hey guys..

sometimes i wonder who reads these blog posts. does anyone read them weeks after i've posted them? i know i'll read them in the future. hey future taylor. i'm trying my best here. i'm trying not to think about you all the time and pay more attention to present me but it's hard. especially during summer... man does hot air make you wanna THINK and THINK and.. THINK!!! pretty sure if i don't get out of my head soon i'll forget what the rest of the world is like. it's been extra bad lately, i've been mega anxious about my new car giving me fucking problems already.   and for some reason i nearly passed out at work so that scared me bad. now i'm convinced i have diabetes or at least prediabetes so i scheduled an appointment to find a new pcp. to make things worse my neighbors moved out and unearthed a bunch of mice so now we've found a few running around our apartment..   i keep cleaning it spotless but i hate getting scared over any little noise. i just can't stop worrying. it's been better but OMG how is it 4am already. ugh. i've been so good with my sleep schedule the last few nights... 

i need a vacation or something. i need to go to bed.. 

i love summer even though sometimes summers are like this. sometimes i have bright beachy summers and sometimes i have melting dragging ones. i appreciate both because i really can't stand winter. i even get anxious when i think about winter approaching. 

this is the second summer away from my family, and i have to remember to be grateful for the peace and quiet when i get all nervous like this. i'm safe and loved and i've been doing pretty good for myself. especially compared to what i thought would happen. and i can handle anything in my way!!! 

i'm rooting for anyone reading this. have a great rest of your summer!