Change

I am not the type of person to continuously post my grief or my emotions on the internet; that kind of stuff is to talk about with the people around you, and medical professionals. But something feels to have changed over the past few days. I have felt vulnerable, scared, and nervous. 

I felt like an old wound had been opened, and that me going back to my college campus was like shoveling myself back into the same habits that I previously wanted to avoid. 

I want to change. 

But something doesn't feel right. I don't believe everything that I have right now is what I need, and the things that I need are now 400 kilometers away, unable to be there for me physically. The people who I am roommates with I don't feel comfortable talking to for several reasons. The first being that I don't know them yet, the second being that they are all mostly gym bros, and finally  is is that one person has an anti-Joe Biden mug with them. 

I have not a clue what I am gonna turn out to be like this semester, but all I know is that I cannot fail anymore. If I fail again, the future of me crumbles to dust. 

I'll post more stuff like this and maybe get back into the blogging aspect later. \

To Many

Vinny