recently...

im out here being autistic and I didn't even know or realize until about like a week ago. (╯︵╰,) 

I have a lot of atypical symptoms such as hyperempathy and wanting to connect to others only through emotional responses rather than logical or unemotional responses. It's really upsetting that some people I was mutuals with on tumblr reacted negatively. Even though people I'm deeply close to, like my closest friends, have reacted positively, I still feel apprehensive to accept myself and face the world with this knowledge. I'm upset I'll find more ableism along the way. 

Although it makes sense, specifically in regards to my identity diffusion, its scary to talk to people about it. I am very grateful and lucky that my best friend and boyfriend are both autistic and accepting of me. I just feel ashamed that I didn't know. I feel ashamed in general. I seem to have been masking this entire time, and I'm deeply scared of being open about it at all. 

I hope I can make others feel less alone. But I'm just not accepting of myself right now. I want to be. I want to be kinder to myself. ..・ヾ(。＞＜)シ  ｡ﾟ(｡ﾉωヽ｡)ﾟ｡ everyone talks about autism acceptance but no one talks about accepting your own autism.