Never by your side

I noticed that being busy, I didn't even take the time to miss you, I didn't think about you for a second, I didn't look for you anywhere and I didn't associate a song with you. Like being under placebos, only until the effect wore off you came back to me, but in a different way, because the intensity with which I missed you before had diminished and I don't know whether to be happy about that or saddened, because my heart ached with your indifference and my being burned for not having you by my side anymore. The truth is, a lot or a little, you're going to keep hurting on nights like this when I look for an iota of your presence in any little thing, in whatever, I think that's my greatest punishment for not accepting that inside of me, even I love you, but something deep inside me does not allow me to admit it and it destroys me not being able to do it because what I have to do is see you with someone else, far from me, always longing for you, always crying for you, but never by your side.