shitty short story I wrote about at the worst moment of my life 2 years ago still not finished, everything is fiction and isn't based on real events/real occurrences

authors note: its like really bad and kind of embarrassing but it was inspired by my love for body horror movies and the fact I was going through my worst relationship ever at the time, i dont really like it that much anymore, plus ive written better grotesque gore/body horror which i might post later idk :p

TW: body horror, drug abuse, blood, suicidal ideation, etc.

I limp into my bathroom. My ears won't stop ringing and my head couldn't feel heavier. Pill bottles and beer cans are sprawled across the floor, it feels like I'm wafting through thick mud. Overdue payments and work are posted on the mirror, I stare past it though, gazing at the shifting horror staring back at me. I scrape and tear at my skin revealing the faults in myself. My alcoholism, Adderall addiction, my clinging to the past. I scrape further, ripping out chunks of my shoulder and neck to see more of myself. My muscle fibers make a distinct ripping sound like pulling wet fabric apart. I bite through my lip, the pain is excruciating but this is for the best. Blood splatters and pools on the lake of beer cans and drug bottles as I pry open my chest, my nails breaking and chipping away the more I scratch. I’m selfish and insecure but the pain won't cure it, only this will. I stare into parts of the mirror not covered in blood. My head falls into my hands squeezing tighter the more my body loses itself with reality. The world slips through my fingers like sand. I reach out frantically to grab something, but nothing catches my hand as I'm sinking into the floor. The pain doesn’t ground me back in reality, hopelessness sets in as I suffocate on the Adderall and beer. It’s getting harder to breathe the more I throw up. My throat and head are being ripped apart by the pills. I can feel myself speeding up, a spotlight shines on pavement with faded red stains. I brace for impact regretting my choices as a human, the friends I've lost, and the relationships I've ruined. I flatten out on the pavement, my blood splattered as far as ten feet away. My brains and entrails scatter in all directions the second I make contact. I become another stain on someone else's red carpet. I jolt up, my spine shattered and broken melts in my hands. My sense of self boils up into a steam. Familiar aromas and scents fill the room, the over sanitized bleak fluorescent walls blinding. My lunch is all over my lap.