fellas, it's SLASHER SUMMER 2023.
i don't know why but it just is i've been watching horror movies, dressing like a hoe, and listening to ice nine kills. sometimes i yearn for suburbia but i think i would be dead by now if i lived in the suburbs.
it's slasher summer 2023. 
it's slasher summer 2023.
it's slasher summer 2023.
i just feel a kind of certain way. i'm working on a story about two boys who find aliens, find truth, and end up dying in the most romantic way two neurodivergents in a suburban town can do. had a few solid summer crushes who definitely don't want anything to do with me. so yeah it's slasher summer 2023 because i just feel that sort of way.
and i guess ice nine killls soopah doopah fixation (ie hyperfixation x666) got me to watch a whole buncha scary movies late at night. feeling good. feeling far away. feeling like i don't know how i'm going to get back into masking for school. not even just the adhd/autism i mean i think i might have to pretend that i'm a normal person but i've never felt like more like a fucking weirdo.
here are my slasher summer 2023 movie reviews:
so yeah i've been watching a bunch of horror movies/scary movies. i hope a hot guy in a mask runs me through with....a knife. most of these aren't actually slashers LOL
the lost boys (1987): 6/10the aesthetic was AMAZING but honestly not that much happened. i think for the time the effects were pretty good but the vampires weren't hot enough /hj just kidding but the outfits were super good. glad i watched it because it feels important but wouldn't watch again.
a nightmare on elm street (1984): 8/10this one actually scared me in a totally 80s like WOWOW the effects were super good!! like definitely see why freddie is so popular and iconic. i loved this movie but it definitely wasn't perfect. would watch again though!
the boogeyman (2023): 5/10this was mid. like a lot of recent horror movies have been mid/unoriginal. the writing of the teenagers was good though i feel like a lot of adult writers do NOT know how to write teenagers in 2023. but these were good. omg i love david dastmalchian he's soooo skrunkliboo. okay the monster actually looked super cool when it got all up close and personal i LOVED it. but otherwise unoriginal. would not watch again.
the village (2004): 7/10this was pretty scary!! and i liked the concept...except when it is like super ableist not gonna lie...like god I love adrien brody but his character in this was so like ignorantly written. bad. otherwise i liked it but that part was hard to sit through. would not watch again.
halloween (1978): 8/10OMG this was so good. like the halloween aesthetic was top fucken tier. michael was so scary like i have a minor fear of the dark and this was getting to me! it's spooky! it's....kind of attractive! (who said that...) loved this movie. would watch again.
friday the 13th (1980): 6/10honestly this one kinda dragged and it was suspenseful for sure but not that scary. but the camp aesthetic is kind of awesome. and you know...jason's mom has got it goin on! would watch again!
saw (2004): 9/10HOOOOLY SHIT!!! this movie was so fucking good. the characters were so well done!!! it was also really uncomfortable/hard to watch. like disturbing shit and made me feel scared. loved it. and I feel like it was cleverly written too. would watch again.
the last voyage of the demeter (2023): 8/10OMG! i love dracula! scary monsterbatdude dracula was so fucking good in this. like major creature feature good stuff. not very standout but i love dracula. probably would not watch again.
jaws (1975): 8/10this movie was super good! like visually goigous and the music was so nice. very suspenseful and surprising, and the characters were well written. gives sharks a really bad rap but it's a good movie. might watch again.
house of 1000 corpses (2003): 9/10HOOOOOOOOLY SHITTT!!!! HOOOLY SHIT!!! I loved this movie so much. like it was so fucking scary and uncomfortable but also so aesthetically nice at the same time. like holy fuck i wanna go there but i don't wanna die. i love bill moseley.omg. but also this shit was FUCKED UP!!! love it. might have made me a little too uncomfortable...but i loved this it was so funny. the practical effects were literlallly so fingerlickni good. WILL watch again! (did watch again)
the devil's rejects (2005): 8/10OMG!! almost as good as the first but not as good. lacking in the aesthetic. like house of 1000 corpses had that AMAZING aesthetic factor going amazingg atmosphere but this one...super great character shit esp. with that scary sherriff. eeeeek. WILL watch again!!
repo! the genetic opera (2008): 10/10jesus LORD i love this movie. think this was the fourth time i've seen it and it never fails. so sosoo fucking good. like the cast is absolutely insane. such a bad movie i fucking love it. like holy shit. god everyone is so hot and horny and out for blood.
fright night (1985): 7/10this one was pretty good. better than the lost boys. the vampire was HOT and GAY! YIPPEE! the practical effects were really funny though like it was hard to take this shit seriously but that might have been the point. it was suuper duper totally 80s i kind of loved it. i liked this! might watch again.
the texas chainsaw massacre 2 (1986): 3/10REALLY BAD. i wish there woulda been more boingo and less screaming. i liked the set and the practical effects. and bill moseley kinda ate ngl. uhhh pretty funny honestly. would not watch again.
3 from hell (2019): 7/10GOD I LOVE BAD MOVIES. i liked this though it was more action than horror but like i hafta be real i might be dickmatized by baby firefly she is soooo SOOOOOO sooo aherm herm ahem hem. normal rn i promise. back to the review. idk this one kind of hit different and made me sad because they r old..definitely a little questionable too....but you know not a bad ending to a trilogy of shitty films fucking love them now. would watch again.
psycho (1960): 10/10HOOOO MY GOODNESS!!!! this was soooo good. omg. i kind of love the 60s so much. god that norman bates!!! that silly little fruitcake!! omg! he has so many issues! ummm sometimes babygirl etc etc ANYWAYS anyways uhhhh suuuper well done really mysterious the music was so good too. omg. would watch again.
killer klowns from outer space (1988): 9/10OMG!! i am on a good streak here. i looooved this movie so much. it reminded me of the nightmare before christmas. the aesthetic was literally so delicious. i kind of love clowns. these were also so eerie and ugly and scary. definitely unnerved during this one but in the best way. it's TOO MUCH FUN. the song is also a majer banger. would watch again!
hellraiser (1987): 8/10SEXY! SCARY! DISGUSTING! definitely a little goofy at times but omg sometimes i morph into a body horror bitch (sister to gore whore). omg. i kind of love clive barker like he never fails to deliver the highly bizarro extremely homosexual expectedly sadomasochistic spooks. ME WHEN THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN IS TRAINING? would watch again.
child's play (1988): 6/10this was pretty funny!! OMG i love that hot vampire mann from fright night. chris sarandon he's so certified cool 80s horror man. CERTIFIED. cool guy right there. love him. this movie was....okay, I think. funny enough to knock it up to a 6. and one time someone at the AT&T store thought my dad was brad dourif. would probably not watch again.
31 (2016): 5/10LITERALLY the most rob zombie film to ever rob zombie. i mean...i feel like it wasn't very original and sure i like sheri moon zombie and i get that she's his wife but does she need to be the female lead? in EVERY FILM? and she's kinda better insane ngl. anyways. definitely pretty suspenseful and i liked all the weird scary clown people. the emo joker was not bad but not very original. richard brake always eats. would probably not watch again.
the evil dead (1981): 7/10NASTY! nasty shit. got some unexpected lovecraft in there?? love to see it. uhhh cross the book of the dead off your reading list or something like that. anyways this one was super gross and gory. love it! tbh not that much happened but it was enjoyable. short and sweet. good stuff. probably going to watch the other ones but don't know if i'd watch this one again.
the munsters (2022): 2/10
*sigh* ROB. MR. ZOMBIE, this was NOT it. i'm sorry but sir please just stick to adult movies i don't know what the hell this absolute dumpster fire was. like it wasn't even that bad but the jokes were so bad. and i KNOW it's a kids movie but jesus god i think if i saw this as a kid i think it would be insulting my intelligence. ahem. this movie can (to quote richard brake) EAT MY S--- AND KISS MY A--. Thank you very much. will not watch again.
hostel (2005): 7/10OKAY. okay. listen. LISTEN. this one i was putting off watching because i was like wow. that shit sounds terrible it's going to fuck me up and i'm going to lose sleep...but i have to be real....i don't think that this shit's going to stick with me very long. it was pretty good honestly. ummmm i would hate to be a person from the balkans..seeing this movie...sorry guys...anyways. SCARY SHIT! gross. this one probably spawned one of the best INK songs to ever exist though so i am not complaining. probably won't watch again unless i am absolutely destroyed at 4:31 am on a sunday.UPDATE: THIS SHIT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES. WHAT THE FUCK. wow guess who looks stupid!
scary movie (2000): 6/10my god this movie was absolutely hog wild. it was SO FUCKING FUNNY but also definitely toed the line at some parts and completely leapt over it at others. definitely soopah doopah offensive but GEE LORD it was so funny. like genuinely laugh out loud funny. would watch again.
scary movie 2 (2001): 4/10this one was pretty funny but not as funny as the first. would not watch again.
anyways i'm gonna keep on listenin to INK and updating this when i watch scary movies this summer. happy slasher summer 2023.
BOO HOO HOOOO GOODBYE SLASHER SUMMER 2023 GOODBYE SPACEHEY i miss having time i miss watching scary movies. anyways....
HAPPY SPOOKTOBER 2023!
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