Religion problems.

Now, I normally don’t know what I am, because I haven’t really grew up with religious things or going to church or anything like that, but i’m not saying to don’t believe in god. I’m just confused on rather to believe or not, and yes, I am kinda more on the believing edge because family kinda got a bit more religious over the years.

But then there’s times where I just sit down and get into deep thought about religion stuff. I always think to myself that am I the bad guy for not knowing what to believing? And if I am, will I be punished? Or, what if god is looking down at me right now and is getting more disappointed by the days because of my acts and thoughts.

Then also I get told over and over that if I don’t choose I will burn in hell because I never believed and i’m gonna spend the rest of my afterlife screaming and burning in pain and suffering.

It all really fucks me up in the head and even though I know god forgives our sins, I always wonder that are my sins to vile and unforgivable for god. I fear death obviously, but not because of fear of no longer living, it’s the fear of facing my own fate, not knowing what’s ever going to happen until I finally pass on.