my life rn

life is.... like weird and uncontrollable. sometimes i just cry hard and want to die and other times i want others to die. i feel so,,split? i guess. my emotions are either high highs or very low lows and they change so often, every few months. it sucks. nothing is going well. but also nothing is going terribly wrong? i feel like a monster, my actions towards people seem aggressive and i just wish i could hide away so i don't make people annoyed or angry. i feel like some evil supervillain who just wants to be normal but can't stop hurting people and destroying the world. i know that sounds fucking stupid but i'm still living in the world i created in my head. false realities seem to be the only thing i can handle right now, i have control in them. i can be anything i want, i can do anything i want. its more fun than the world i do live in, where my trauma does affect me, my actions have consequences and i'm a nobody. but i guess thats just life. it absolutely sucks and it will suck forever. so i will just ride it out and hope i come out the other side alive enough. i haven't done a sign off in forever so i thought i'd bring that back. thanks for reading

Xoxo blog

P.S i wish i could stop biting my nails UGHHH i had to cut them cuz they were brittle and my anxiety got worse, they were so long :(