missing her

ive been missing this girl a lot lately. i'll just call her j. j and i have known each other for years now, and it's always been super messy between the both of us. i know i love her though. and she loved me. but i fucked up a lot and i hurt her when i didnt mean to. i know this affected her a lot and now she's just done with me. its been almost a month since we stopped talking, and there have been both pros and cons of her leaving me. like, ever since we stopped talking this world has become brighter? like im full of so much love for the world around me and myself. ive been taking pictures of the sky or just of outside bc i think the world is so beautiful. i feel so calm most of the time. but, i also lost someone who understood me more than anybody. i feel lonely. i go to message her something but then i realize that i cant. j moved on already, yet i havent. it hurts. i miss her so much. 

this is just some silly teenage love shit. but it still makes me feel so much. like my hearts swelling.