7 | self-expressions

managed to do daily blogs for a week!! not a long period of time, but more than I thought I’d do.

today was a free day. The lack of tasks made me feel uneasy !! I’m worried I’m missing something because Im a pretty forgetful person. Im starting to find myself doubting if did some of my tasks because I’ll forget if I did them yesterday or today.

that’s not entirely a bad thing tho, it means I’m regularly doing my tasks to the point where its ALMOST completely clicking in. This makes me a little worried for the school year, with how busy and stressed I can get. I really hope I can keep at it. Im actually taking care of myself now. I just really hate my college lol. I purposely went parttime, dropped my minor and half of my classes in order to be there less (I don’t live there I just drive from my house)

I feel very out of place. I definitely make the minority who stands out a little being a poc and alt-dressing person. people are overall polite to me, but I have little friendships. I cant tell if people dislike me, or it’s my low self esteem speaking.

it’s a weird spot to be in because while I don’t like standing out, I still love to be a little eccentric with my self-expression.

my school, and my career overall can be pretty restrictive with self-expression though- and that is a huge factor to my distaste toward them. No piercings, or tats or painted nails or certain haircuts etc. etc.

I thought college was supposed to be a time where you’re supposed to discover yourself, but I feel more restricted than ever.

TW: HOMOPHOBIA

also the religious and anti-lgbt shite they have going on there. We have lgbt resources, but because of the Catholic focus of the college the homophobes around are extreme enough that I really don’t feel that welcome. Every post my school makes on pride is flooded with hate.

The pride event we had last year someone literally tried to ‘cleanse’ the area with salt??? weird ass mf tryna exorcise me like a ghost?? like the bogey man under ur bed??

BOO!!! ya salty skank

anyways, last year I was also almost recruited into this religious organization off campus?? one time this girl went up to me in the cafeteria, and at first I thought she was trying to make friends since she stated she was a freshman. It was clear she was very religious, but I didn’t think much of it at first.

we exchanged numbers and as the time of the party came closer she started dropping more hints about prayer, service etc. until it really hit me after the fact that it wasn’t a fucking party she invited me to, It was her organization’s prayer night. The time of the party matched the prayer meeting times on the organization’s website. I didn’t actually go btw, my intuition started to go off. Though the fact that she lied thru her teeth to try and get me in is so,,

a few days later this email hit my inbox. I know it’s not the school’s fault that I am so gullible, but this added to my already unpleasant association with the school.

So teens, when picking a college make sure you choose one that matches with your ideals, diversity and inclusion needs!! Don’t be like me lol

in order to better prepare for the school year im gonna try and fix my sleep schedule more, and study ahead of time a little before my classes start. Most of all, im really going to try and prioritize my mental health! 

wish me luck!!