More personal updates

I wish my landlord told me that the entire apartment was having its siding redone,the constant loud noises outside are quite annoying. It's frustrating to be doing laundry and suddenly the wall next to you is shaking because someone is hitting the outside wall with a hammer and it's shaking the wall and rattling everything in the closet. Luckily my PTSD is behaving well, so it is not particularly stressful. Unless I have to go to the bathroom. Feels quite awkward to do that when I can hear them right outside.

At least it coincided with me deciding to wake up early. The loud hammering on the walls happens early in the morning. I am awake before it starts.

It's quite frustrating. To spend a week at my in-laws in their house, which isn't even that big by the way, but it feels so big compared to this tiny apartment. To spend time there with all that room and then come back to this tiny box and be surrounded by strangers hitting the walls with tools who have left all of their supplies in our parking lot. I feel quite pent up and aggravated. But I'm scared to leave the house on account of the agoraphobia. That tweet that's like "god you people cant do anything" but directed at myself lmfao.

I'm still gonna try going outside at some point, when the workers are not standing on my porch working right outside of my only door...

Oh well. I am trying. I have not had soda in awhile, which is good because it makes my stomach hurt but I kept drinking it anyways. Trying to quit again. Waking up early helps the exhaustion.

Oh right brain fog. Waking up early helps it. My mind is clearer in the morning, but it returns to its usual levels of cognitive nothingness early in the afternoon.

I suppose eating healthier wouldn't kick in right away. I'm still a bit fucked up, physically. Every day something hurts or I feel sick. My doctors dont particularly listen when I say so, so don't read this and scoff thinking I'm just suffering for the hell of it.

Speaking of which, I think I should resign myself to working from home as a career. The amount of dread I feel as I browse job listings and realize I have to spend extended periods of time in public, when I feel so bad all the time, it's quite sucky. So I shall look more into that. I already know some basic HTML and CSS. Just gotta round those skills out and add some scripting to that, eh?