On paranoia, and my very odd relationship to it.

it's honestly kind of funny how much i try to be rational, yet i always feel (very irrationally) as if people are out to get me. like, somehow what i do online and what i say is always being watched or recorded; Truman Show-type behavior. thing is, i know rationally there's no way for that to occur; that, more or less, nobody cares about my existence.

i've never been diagnosed with schizophrenia, or any of it's associated spectrum of disorders. hell, the only neurodivergence that's been suspected of me by any sort of psychiatrist is autism back when i was like... 3 or 4. in other words, the only thing professionally, medically wrong with me is panic disorder and being a weird kid when i was growing up.

thing is, that doesn't really account for everything. or at least, i feel as if it doesn't! i'm not educated on the matter by any means, though; i did some cursory internet glancing at schizotypal personality disorder, and out of everything that seems the most plausible, but idk. again, outside of self-taught astronomy knowledge and some math skills, i'm a bit of a dunce.