im tired of being called weird

even if there's sayings like "fly your freak flag" and the culture of loving yourself for your weirdness and all... i feel like that type of weird is intentional. i exist and i'm called weird. what am i doing that is so unordinary? i don't understand. i hate being called weird. i am a normal human being just existing. and my family pretends to know and sympathize, but i do anything besides what they know and i'm the unusual one. it feels like i am so alone even when i'm surrounded by people like me, my family, those who i was raised with and by. why am i not similar to them at all? what curated me to be so off putting to them, if not their own fault? what did they mess up when i was raised? this line of thinking is very clearly based on my autism diagnosis, yet even my family members who claim they're autistic too are so different from me. i know not every autistic person is the same, but i feel so disconnected from the group of them. like an alien that can't possibly comprehend the level of thinking that they have. the collective mindset that they all have and then the one i have. even to them, i am weird. so what makes me weird??? if not for autism? it's like i'm a whole other level of it, so weird and fucked up that it should be called something different. how come they can read each other's social cues, yet i'm left in the dust? they all know things i don't, and it drives me crazy. i just want to belong with the rest of them. i want to be able to understand how to fit in and to never mess up and be awkward ever again. i just want to be like everybody else