Life Entry 3

A friend of mine continues to talk poorly of her insecure pseudo-boyfriend who doesn’t want her going out or having friends or anything. This raised alarms in my head and I informed her that this is a major red flag. I reminded her that this isn’t really her boyfriend, it’s just a friend of hers who stepped in and declared himself boyfriend just to get random men to back off of her. While the act was nice, it’s overshadowed by everything else. He gets angry over everything, makes empty apologies left and right just to prove he isn’t actually remorseful, and doesn’t want her having a social life when she is extremely extroverted. 

I know a narcissist when I see one.

I warned her and told her about my experiences and observations. It’s complete textbook toxicity and abuse, and it will only get worse. She tried to play it off, telling me she does want him to be her boyfriend, and that he does nice things every now and then. I doubled down and reminded her of the concept of love bombing and that men can wear niceguy masks to get their foot in the door.

She agreed but I think it was just to get me off of the topic from the impression I got. I will continue to be there for her but sometimes I wonder if the coming trauma is something she needs to experience to really drill it into her thick skull.

I’m aggressive on this stance because I have many friends who were once outgoing and bubbly like she was, and they never listened to me. They came out as hollow, scarred shells of their former selves. One doesn’t even talk anymore, it was that bad. I remember her call, her ex climbing through the window, and the screaming. He was arrested, but it was too late.

I think my friend wanted to listen to a mutual of ours, a real dumbass. They’re a yes-person as long as the topic is regarding romance. They’d tell you to say yes if a sketchy guy who loves children too much asked you out. I wouldn’t listen to them.

When a friend tells you to run from a guy, you run. Do it now, as soon as they warn you because the longer you stay, the harder it’ll be because you’ll be mentally shackled to your new owner who doesn’t even see you as a human. They will root their finances into your life to make sure you lose everything if you escape. They will try to pet or baby trap you. They will lie about having a vasectomy. They will poke holes in their condoms. They will swap out your birth control pills with sugar ones. They will do everything to shackle you down and leave you broken after they grow bored and tired of you.

And if you have more bad things to say about your partner than you have good ones? Why even bother staying in the relationship? Because they throw you a treat every now and then to keep you satisfied? Is that it? 

It isn’t your job to change a toxic partner. It isn’t even guaranteed you’d change them for the better either. What’s the point of getting into a relationship where you have to modify someone’s entire personality? With that ambition, you can pick up any schmuck sitting in the street and expect them to become the next Jeff Bezos.

But they won’t.

Pick someone whose perfect for you, someone who brings you peace and is compatible with your life. Someone that wants to see you win. Don’t choose someone that wants to make you feel small.

Do you know what the difference between a home intruder and an abusive partner is?

One breaks into your house. The other convinces you to let them in.