Today Aug 7th 2023

Its been a couple days since I've been home it feels like somethings missing. I am rewriting this god knows how many times trying to find a way to express how I feel. It gives me comfort thinking that whatever I write here stays here. What ever I write here has a place to belong for as long as I don't delete it. I write poetry but I cant just make my problems sound pretty anymore and its getting to me. I say its getting to me but really I cant really feel much recently I cant feel scared or happy. I am just tired and lost. I listen to my music in silence as I curl up in my bed and cant find the strength to move on from things that replay in my head. I was told I was a sensitive person and that the person telling me understands how I feel. I couldn't tell her the reason to my broken heart was simply because I cant seem to find happiness in my self so I look for it in others and when my happiness left I was alone. So how did she understand? I have to type my feelings to a computer with a strawberry Fanta being the only witness along with my pillows and blankets. Alex G makes my thoughts into sound and it keeps me from freaking out. I have more to write but its not the right time maybe if I get famous one day I'll make a book no one will read and share the stuff that I deemed too private to write.