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So..Basically this is just gonna be a brain dump because I need to get my thoughts out. Recently my mental health has been deteriorating rapidly and it made me realize something. I did some research and I genuinely believe my mother has given me ptsd from emotional abuse. Obviously I'm not self-diagnosing but yeah. The reason I started researching the topic is because now whenever I see her or text her, I become physically tense and extremely angry.
The thing is, her abuse wasn't obvious. From the outside it just looked like she was a helicopter parent. The only reason I've started to realize just how bad it was/is, is due to me being around her much less. The things she has done... its a long list really. She would (and still does) gaslight, humiliate me, criticizes the smallest of things, isolating me from my friends, punishing me for the slightest disagreement (on several occasions they were physical punishments) and insisting that I have ZERO privacy.
For the longest time, I always thought that I was the problem and I was a terrible child. Hell even writing this is hard. Something that makes the whole thing worse, is that from the outside, my life seems great. I mean come one, my parents bought me a car after I crashed my old one. I don't even think my old therapist recognized what was happening. And that's not really on him. My mom managed to convince him that I was in the wrong. That I had no right to get angry.
I'm not really sure how many people have told me just how lucky I have it. Maybe it's the lack of validation, or maybe it's just the lack of any sort of emotional support, but things haven't been easy recently.
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