Vent - Life Purpose

It seems that neurotypical people struggle with this a lot from what I've seen. Well. everyone does. But when I realised I wasn't the only neurotypical that gets burned out by a job by like- ten months in, it can start to feel like a never ending circle. Do you sacrifice mental health for financial stability? No, I refuse to do that. But then even the things I love to do cause me problems sometimes.

I find something I think I'll love. 

I do love it. 

Then I get burnt out and the passion fades with no way for me to get it back. 

Jobs that provide good financial stability make me depressed as hell. 

But jobs I love are usually freelance and can be hard to generate steady income. I know things take time, and effort, but I am in a different place now than I was before. Before, I had time to put in effort into passions without worrying too much about a  a paycheck, but now...I need regular pay for at least a little while. Yet...those types of jobs make me feel awful. 

There comes a time where you have to suck it up for a while. Not everything in life is easy and I know that. Things can be fun but sometimes they may not be; it gets worse before it gets better sometimes. I'm aware life isn't a breeze and I'm ready for that.

But Sheesh, do I feel lost. I am aware that I am capable of anything. I genuinely believe in my strength and my ability to grow. So what am I scared of? not wanting to do it anymore. 

Say I put a year,. two, three, into something I think I will enjoy, then I don't, what am I supposed to do with the knowledge io thought I'd put t use and no no longer want to? What if I accidentally get myself to a point of "I don't like doing this anymore but I spent so much time on it, I might as well carry on." It scares me. but the problem with me thinking about these possibilities is then, I get scared to pursue anything, because I know how indecisive I am that I struggle to figure out if it is a potential life long passion, or just a six month hyper fixation. What the hell do I do? I wish...I really do wish I could just...find something I love and stick to it. But I love so many things, I love so many damn things. I have so much passion and love to give. Animals, gaming, music, dancing, but I cannot pursue them all at once, and what if I get sick of it after focusing so much on it? ah... my mind wanders in an endless circle which I know I need to cut somehow to finally end the cycle. I am now in a mindset to work hard for what I want. 

But...What do I want?