the end opera and how it has RUINED ME

for those of you who DON'T know, the end is an opera featuring world renowned popstar Hatsune Miku playing Hatsune Miku and it centres one topic (which is discussed in literally the second song within 15 minutes of watching so dont worry you would figure this out immediately. this is just the summary): Death. and what IS death for something like miku? because its an opera! :)

all outfits are made by louis vuitton (marc jacobs himself), BEAUTIFUL PERFECT PRODUCER pinocchio p did the tuning, and just overall its a fucking EXPERIENCE. ive never met anyone that ive shown this to (and ive shown this to a LOT of people) that outright HATED it but absolutely none of them understood it completely. as in there was no consensus on what the fuck happened or what some parts of the opera meant and this is fine. its a CONFUSING piece of work and i love it so much i watch this basically every month or every other month because i love it so much. i never get tired of it.

but i need to get into this because there are a few key parts that just destroy me. i want to show off this ONE moment that gets build up. if you want to see this for yourself, if you're intrigued by my explanation of it, then GO WATCH IT HERE!!!! i promise you its SO worth it i fucking love this opera so much

anyway. where it all starts is the very beginning and its this girl who looks like a mimic of miku just walks up and asks to talk to miku. once she gets the chance, she tells miku that shes gonna DIE. walks in like You're gonna die IDIOT! LOL! this sends miku into an existential crisis but we're not here to focus on that because immediately after, miku calls this girl. miku starts the call with "i miss you." and the girl goes "woah thats crazy. whats brought this on. sure lets make plans to hang out girl" and miku is like "That's not what. I meant." and then they have this back and forth where the girl is like "Erm what the fuck does that mean" and miku is like "Well Idk how to explain it better really. Maybe I just shouldn't tell you" and the girl is finally like "Okay. Whatever . Fuck you too. Why are you talking to me" and miku is like "I'm not talking to you. I am talking to the phone in my hands." and then she HANGS UP!!!! afterwards we get an explanation for what that last part was because miku was not TRYING to be rude or mean or anything in that final statement. she explains that she doesnt know when or how to hang up the phone because two people talking on the phone are ALREADY apart; how are they meant to separate even further? so, instead of saying goodbye or see you later (which to her doesnt make any sense) she just . Hangs up. miku had nothing more to say in that conversation and she thought that hearing anything more would be a waste of time. so. she just hung up. the conversation was going in circles; there was nothing more to say.

after this call, miku meets the girl again and we obsess over her smell and how she smells like dried powder and miku is getting STRANGLED by it. the girl is like "hi haha i know i smell weird. lol. thats just how i am! teehee! anyway can you forget that i told you youre gonna die didn't mean to say that. LOL! slip of the tongue" and miku has a bit of a crisis over the fact that she has NEVER had her tongue slip. she says things perfectly. the girl says that even if she cant forget, that miku should keep what was said a secret. miku asks if shes REALLY going to die? like did she fucking mean that? when she said that she would die? and the girl doesnt answer her questions; instead, she says that shes happy she's worried that she's going to die, but also disappointed by it. miku asks a second time, saying that she will keep her secret if it means that it won't actually be forever that she has to keep it. again, shes taking this very literally. she has no CONCEPT of the idea that "forever" to people just means "until you die" because there is no forever for people. but for her, forever would be THE REST OF TIME, in the event she DOESN'T die.

with this, the girl finally says that she can't answer because she has no idea if miku is actually going to die. she then makes miku promise she won't tell anyone what was said. "forever. until you die."

even though miku was given such a nonanswer like "i mean idk i just SAID that you would die i didnt really MEAN that because i dont know really" miku is now CONVINCED that she will die and she sinks further and further into despair and depression over this. though...she really has no concept of how she will die. she doesnt even really know what it MEANS. she knows it in the sense of how humans die; she describes it in a journal entry where she admits that she never thought death had anything to do with her, that humans die and its natural for them to worry about it. she describes death as the outward process: "their body weight melts away, lighter and lighter to zero" but omits any spiritual or even an imagined version of death.

the next song is dedicated to this, where she imagines that death is a place that you are PUSHED into, a place that you don't want to go into but won't be able to come out of- and once you are in, you won't want to come out. this line has always reminded me of pulk/pull revolving doors, but its interesting because i feel like they use the same kind of language but mean opposite things. pulk/pull is about choices and the different kinds of choices that you make in life. so doors represent the different choices and how they are; there are revolving doors (common choices that you repeat), there are doors that open by themselves (choices that you dont quite get to make), there are sliding doors and there are secret doors (choices that people dont think about making or choices that arent immediately obvious), there are doors that lock and doors that dont (permanent choices vs reversible choices), there are doors that let you in and out but never open (a choice with zero consequences), and there are trapdoors that you cant come back from (choices that change your life permanently. completely. irreparably). its a song of CHOICES but miku talks about a place that you get pushed into- you dont HAVE a choice in the matter because its DYING. there is no choice in the matter. someone takes you there. you could also interpret the pusher as The Grim Reaper though there are no more talks about who pushes miku into dying. she says it like it just sorta happens. if im PUSHED. still it reminds me of pulk/pull

in this song, she also talks about what it looks like, but it mostly has to do with darkness. is it dark, so dark it's dazzling, so dazzling we cant see anything? then, shes worried that maybe, shes ALREADY died before, but it was so long ago that she doesnt remember it. she wonders if its possible that, if she uses the same logic for a cut finger, its like that. a wound heals, the blood gets cleaned up, and its like it never even happened. then again, she thinks, cutting her finger could be a false memory.

although the thought of forever was once the status quo and something she was used to, its now kind of become torturous with the promise of dying. miku now believes theres a finish line. she is at once perfect and yet able to die. this is contradictory. shes snappy when shes talking to animal and this causes them to offer to join forces with her, to give her a moment of imperfection. however, when they DO join together, its discovered that their form is unstable. shes perfect. animal is not. joining forces again (we are given NO context on why or how or when they were together and one we just know this is at least the second time they've joined forces) means that miku will be imperfect AGAIN. miku says that she doesnt want to do that and animal asks her why. she tells them, "even if i told you it wouldnt make sense." animal says, "some things make sense if i know them." she says, "feelings never made sense to me anyway."

with that, miku gets a call from The Girl. and this is the part that makes me go crazy insane. miku answers the call and stays silent and the girl instantly is like "You're not saying anything ???" and miku is like "well i mean You Called dont you have something to say im giving you the floor" and the girl says "well i mean you should still say HI or something idk people who call usually say very little...." and miku. stumbles. STUMBLES. and she goes "i think our connection is bad. i didnt hear you. sorry" the girl repeats herself but then we're back on the subject of the first call, when miku called her and said "i miss you." the girl still doesnt get it. she wants to know what miku meant. miku says that she doesnt know how to explain it and we get this back and forth of miku being like "what did you not understand" and the girl being like "i didnt understand any of it" and miku being like "i didnt catch that what did you say" and the girl having to repeat herself and then we get this FINAL CONFIRMATION. miku says, "i said that i missed you because we must never see each other again; if i WANTED to see you again, i wouldve said 'see you later'"

"i don't understand-"

"what don't you understand now? isn't it plain and simple?"

"i can't follow you."

"why? is it because you can't hear me? it doesn't matter. you don't need to follow me. because...this is the end. we will never see each other again.

...

SO!!! i have to explain this the way ive been explaining this for years and years and years because my friends didn't really understand it until i gave this explanation. when miku says all of this she means this literally and we know that she means this literally because everything that she has said throughout the opera has BEEN literal. when she says the things she says, she has no double meaning behind it. shes not trying to be rude or mean or confusing. when she said i miss you, what she MEANT was this: when you pass someone in a crowd but you dont touch or talk at all, you MISS them. two objects flying through the air settle on opposite sides of a room simultaneously; they've MISSED each other. she first calls the girl to say "i miss you" to REALLY say "i never want to see you again." if i were to translate this opera, i would include that Somewhere. to make it easier to understand for english audiences. but god. that ending taunt. the way she sings that. iii miiiss youuu. of course, the girl says back, mocking her instead, "what did you say? this time, im the one who couldn't hear. : )"

and the next song. we go back into literal meanings and translations. she talks about how she sometimes thinks that shes been somewhere new before, but quickly gets the confusion cleared up. she figures out eventually that she's NEVER been there before, even if it feels like someplace she COULD'VE been in. but where she is, she KNOWS shes never been there because it is SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. its BRIGHT, SO blindingly BRIGHT, and she still RECOGNISES whats happening. she describes the process of dying: in this place, her body will begin to melt. she asks the audience to watch, and she'll watch, too. though in this particular instance im interpretting it as the audience; to be very honest with you, this feels more like a song either addressed to animal OR to the audience, which has been with her this whole journey. it could be both. animal seems aware of previous "ends" when they write in a journal entry, "another end? how many more are there?" which might mean miku's suspicions that she's died before are true, but them showing up RIGHT before this song, it just feels so . so addressed to animal, who has probably overseen miku deaths before.

miku recognises that shes dying. and in her final moments, she promises to keep whoever she's thinking of safe under her eyelids. she asks why when they're in front of each other, words like "you" and "me" lose meaning. her final words are (in MY interpretation which is so very loose): "i just saw you; i miss you." the show translation is "i wanted to keep you / in my closed eyes" and the person who added the subs to the opera translate this as "i close my eyes / i miss you." i quite like "i close my eyes / i miss you" but also im Really Attached to I just saw you. I miss you. its sentimental and heartbreaking in a way that death is to miku so even if its not entirely accurate, i feel like it captures the feeling more than closing her eyes and dying and losing the memory of the one she cares so deeply about. i JUST saw you. (real and true, animal left the room right before she answered the call and she BEGGED them to stay instead of letting her answer the call. also, the audience has been there the whole time, so if shes talking about the audience, she HAS just seen us.) i miss you. (i miss you in the way we understand: i desire your presence. i miss you in the way she means: we're never going to see each other again. because im going to die. and this is it for us.)

the final scene has the girl transforming into a version of miku. we never see her again. god knows what shes up to. though i do interpret this as her taking miku's place. of course, they've been at odds and look kinda similar and this has been a point of contention. animal observes her at the very beginning as a woman "trying to look like you" and makes note of the fact that she is Failing. miku calls her artificial at their first meeting. it can also be argued that telling someone theyre going to die someday and being both happy and disappointed they're scared of dying is like. maybe she MEANT for this. maybe this was part of her whole PLAN. though that spans into theorising that i have no way to back up really. still. she transforms into miku and we dont get an explanation for that because now, thats outside of miku's scope. because shes dead.

the final song is miku experiencing death.  as we found out in the last song, death is BRIGHT. she says that its so bright, she cant see anything. says that light is not supposed to behave the way its behaving, but still, you and her cannot see anything. "but i am here. tell me, who is this 'i?'"

even though she recognises that she promised never to forget "you," she is now unable to recognise what "you" is or what "me" is and as the song goes on, she realises she doesn't actually know where she is. she doesnt know what her voice is. she doesnt know where shes going. she doesnt know where "you" came from. 

some people may believe that this song makes it cut and dry what the last song was about. upon first glance, YES, i can see how you can say that for sure, its addressing the audience. but you have to recognise that miku just. doesnt remember anything. she doesnt know who she's addressing. its still entirely up to debate whether its about us, the audience, or if its about animal. i like to think that its all of us and animal is just meant to represent us because they're imperfect and so are we. does this mean animal can die? i'd like to believe so but there's no evidence for this kind of thinking other than the idea of "perfect" and "imperfect" seems to hinge on the fact that death has to do with it.

but thats the end of the end opera. and it just completely ruins me every time i watch it because its just so so so good III MIIISS YOUUU IM DYING IM GOING CRAZY INSANE AARRAUAUGUGHGH URAHRUHGUHGUHRRA OUUHGHG MYY YGODODDD OHHH MYYY YGODDDD I CANT DO THIS!!! JESUS CHRIST!!!! I JUST SAW YOU; I MISS YOU I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SPEAK OR TO MOVE OR TO EVEN JUST BE HERE AND DURING THAT TIME I CANNOT DO ANYTHING; I AM DEAD WAHAHGHGUGGUGH

but yeah im normal