Feelings.

I dont really Like my Feelings, they confuse me. Somtimes im Happy somtimes im sad, somtimes i feel Like nothing at all. But one Thing that i know that i dont Like my Feelings when im with my Friends. They make me feel Bad, Like im the wirst, but maybe i am. Somtimes i feel Like crying and screaming, but when i try nothing comes Out, only hollow sounds, trying to replecate what i wanna do, i feel Like im Not valid. I also dont feel valid in my everyday Life. I tryd escaping Form it many Times because i dont Like Feelings, at all, but it never worked. I Like the feelings while beeing left alone, but i hate the feelings while thinking about school, i dont Like Feelings that come Up Düring school either. My Friends make me feel worse Düring school, and my classmates arent better. Somtimes i think of the past and I dont Like the feelings there either. I messed Up big Times and I feel sad that i lost many people there, i feel sad thinking about how much better Life could be If i Just Go Back and un-make my mistakes and dumb decisions. I Love the feelings i get when making people Happy and laugh, even If they laugh about me, my behavior, my Looks, my personality , im Just Happy to know people get good Feelings from someone Like me. But the feelings i hat the Most are the Ines i get when thinking about myself, i dont know why tho. I think because my Friends have me many Feelings and opinions about how i should feel, that i Just do now, i feel incomplete, Not whole somtimes when i Look at me, im ugly and so do i feel.