first week of in-person school!

i'm writing this at like 4 am in the morning lol because i slept at 6pm and only woke up thirty minutes ago. i have a big thing of iced coffee in front of me and i'm about to attempt to write digests for 19 or so cases. even writing only five would be a godsend.

i think i feel so stressed. no, it's not that i think or that i feel, i really am stressed. i have to worry about moving to a new place this week, have to worry about moving my sister in the place i'm living at this week and i have my final exam next monday to see if i'll do this course again next year. i really hope not. i want to rest during summer.

the entirety of this year's summer was rife with anxiety and problems to the point that i felt like i could not rest. from waiting the results of the three schools i applied to, failing my dream school for a second time, and then getting into the best school in the country and having to run papers for that. ugh, now i remembered i also have something to mail out to complete my enrollment. anyways, the point is it's just been so difficult for me. i feel my relationships with my family weaken and crumble and as much as i say it's just my anxiety, there's a different part of me that says otherwise. i hate it. i wish i could just relax for a tiny bit and just unwind, but i feel like in doing that i'll just be backlogged even further.

i've been thinking about lately if i had the capabilities to stay in school. i want to quit so bad and i still have the time to quit and get a refund. i just can't, i'm unable to because i don't know what i'll do after.

i'm just so very tired.