vent! // i wish i knew how to deal with social anxiety

i dont know who to talk to about this but its driving me crazyy :((!! im so shy around others and i am so bad at talking to people ! social gatherings get me so nervous and jittery even if i'm with people im super close with.. i feel like i am the only person who CRIES after almost every social gathering, isnt that weird?? like, i'm supposed to be really happy to have hung out with people, but instead every single conversation i made repeats over and over in my head and i think "why did i do that?? why did i say that?? why can't i be normal?!!"