ALks diary 2

Hi, I’m back, that clearly means im still alive, so, yay ig.

Im currently listening to Coldplay, like two mins ago i send my goodbye notes to my friends, but im not killing myself, im just moving.

This whole decision has been tough, my friend doesn’t want to talk to me, she unfollowed me of all social media and i know it’s just stuff teenagers do, but it hurts, i didn’t expect her to just drop me off like that. We were never a reaaally good friendship, she never cared about me and the only times she sent me any messages was to ask me about advice on how to fix her relationship. The one she’s being to focus on fixing that she didn’t even noticed the moment she was totally ignoring me. I guess me suffering right now just make it my fault for not leaving the friend group earlier, but i was so scared of being alone i just, sucked it up and stayed. It’s really sad, because me moving with my dad was supposed to be a happy thing for me, an exciting thing and she just took that away from me because she’s sad? I’m sad too, does she care? I don’t think so. It’s always her and her being emotional, while i can just wipe my tears and go on.

The other part, I will miss my family so much, I’m afraid I’m taking the wrong decision. Because who’s going to help my grandma cook?. Who’s going to praise my grandad’s inventions? Who’s going to be with my sister in her room talking about everything, who’s going to go downstairs in the middle of the night to make quesadillas and chocomilk? Who’s going to talk with my uncle about how hard wolfenstein is? But mainly, who’s going to help my mom iron her clothes?, who’s going to lay with her on the bed while watching movies and eating ice cream? Who’s going to make her dinner when she doesn’t want to? Who’s going to wipe her tears away when she fights with the asshole she’s dating? Who’s going to send the “are you ok?” Text every hour when she goes out? Who’s going to take care of her when she comes home after drinking, who’s going with her to walk at the park every morning? Who’s going to hug her? Who’s going to caress her hair so she can sleep? Who’s going to take care of her like i do?

I guess I’m just scared of changes but, understand me, all my life has been about my sister, my mom and me. The three of us together. My safe place. I’ll miss them so much, every day every night, but i really want to go and live something new. I’m just scared its not the right thing.