loving laughing living.. *sober*

Today marks day 51 of sobriety ! Happy sad confused lucky lonely filled with love filled with despair  . etc etc etc . Words can only scrape the surface of how I feel.

There's so much time in the day now, who knew! For the first time since childhood I'm experiencing the sunshine and the heartbeat of my fellow folk, and I couldn't feel warmer. However, I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on some deep, integral part of youth. But is that not the dream and the life that gets fed to us by the same greedy, self destructive principles and values that govern our already failing society? (society, am I right?) ................ food for thought. Maybe I don't need my 13 year old lana del rey dream aesthetic life of pain addiction "freedom" and early death that I so craved for my young adulthood, maybe I grew up. Hell, maybe I already lived it.

Well. Its neither here nor there now. I'm happy and I'm healthy and I'm gonna continue racing towards peace not pleasure .. well maybe sometimes pleasure ;*

 xo nic