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as someone who used to be a self-described femboy, and is now a trans woman, I have some very strong opinions about the word and the type of culture it creates around trans women & crossdressers
first off, of course the word doesn't have anything inherently wrong with it, at it's absolute core meaning it simply means "feminine boy", which is fine, HOWEVER, it's the culture around "owo cute femboy uwu" which it's become so intrinsically tied with that makes me hate the term with a passion.
the way the term femboy is used is, in 90% of cases, is sexual or in some ways suggestive, it seriously normalises the outright fetishization of crossdressers and trans women which in any other context would be considered disgusting and objectifying. what makes it worse is so many self-described femboys are minors, 14-17 year olds, who are identifying as what is a porn category to a lot of people.
from personal experience, I have known multiple people who have gotten groomed by people they met in "femboy" spaces, and were harassed with explicit messages and dms, despite only being kids.
then there's the way it's used as a transphobic remark against trans women; now, to be clear, I know most people don't use it in this way, but in my personal experience, after coming out I have been called "just a femboy" by more than a couple people. and it's not uncommon with other trans women I've spoken to either, it's not a common use of the word, I understand, but that also has tainted my personal opinion of the word
TL;DR: I believe the word "femboy" creates a toxic culture of fetishization around crossdressers and trans women (many of whom kids) which normalises the objectification and harassment of these people. Even if people do use the word in a more "wholesome" way, I think it's become fundamentally tied to the perverted culture that so often uses the word that I can no longer see it in an innocent way
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(OLD ACCOUNT)
it sucks too because of how uninclusive the space is and gives super unrealistic expectations for trans women and has def effected my body dysmorphia.
same !!! it sucks and it's so normalised, people do not realise the harm it causes
by Roux; ; Report
like being the complete opposite (chubby and brown) of them is the worst part. I mean I don't let it get to me anymore but like to all other trans people it's just not realistic at all
by (OLD ACCOUNT); ; Report
ten.sion
Very meaningful insight :0! I get the feeling of being objectified and the near-sexualization of something that should just be, you know, a label?? So that personal opinion of it makes so much sense /3!
I think with time I've come to hold a little less resentment to it, as it is.. just a label
it's more the people who needlessly sexualize the term and anyone who comes close to it (which often includes trans women, enbies, etc)
by Roux; ; Report
✩彡. . ii_eepy💤 (#1 LOSERBOY)
im a femboy and i hate that its mainly used for nsfw stuff!! 3:
i just want to be silly and dress how i want!!! and thats the term i feel fits best with it i guess .,.
i hate that its used for nsfw stuff, i wish people could be more understanding that to most people around my age (im 15) who use this term just use it to describe the way they dress, or want to dress, i love thigh highs and skirts but i hate that its sexualized :(( adults r rlly weird around me and i hate it. though i do like how more recently theyve started including ftm people, nb people, and demiboys like myself!!!! :33
i hate that most people (mainly grown men) have made it hyper-sexual or an insult, 3:
(i feel like my thoughts r rlly scattered in this and for that i apologize ToT)
by ✩彡. . ii_eepy💤 (#1 LOSERBOY); ; Report
I totally get ya ! it's such a shame that people can be so gross :/ again, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the term, just how people always use it makes me feel so ick about it, ty for ur input :]
by Roux; ; Report
thats fucked up!! >:(
femboy should be used as a descriptor the same way as trans or non binary should be used. it's so fucked up that we can't have a word to identify as gender non conforming people.
i'm a black ftm femboy and the term for me is apart of how i identify.
as a trans ftm person i've lurked in the community since i was 13, back then the community was only "softboys" and a way to express gender non conformity with femininity
it wasnt really until 2016 when the term femboy was CO-OPTED by shadman and turned into a meme in 2016 shock internet culture which heavily sexualized it.
shadman and the 2016 shock culture also created a HUGEEE neo nazi problem that drove everyone away!!
for me as someone who is both ftm and black there is a lot of outside pressure on me by non black or non trans people to be as masculine as possible. boys should be able to be feminine too without being sexualized for it :(
a lot of peopel say that the term itself came from porn when it wasn't. and it's only helping push the project 2025 narrative that queer expression is obscene and pornographic.
we shouldn't have to be forced to give up out term we use to identify ourselves because on looking straight men and neckbeards want to sexualize us! >:'(
we should be able to reclaim our community and protect ourselves from them. because it doesn't matter what we call ourselves, "roseboys" "softboys" whatever, if people online take it and make memes of it and welcome them into our spaces.
even being ftm is being taken away by the same people who can't tell reality (queer gender expression) from fantasy (internet memes) and are harming our ftm community. many men welcome themselves into our dms insisting that we aren't real men and we are "fakeboys" who love to be misgendered.
i want queer people to be able to stand down for the communities and culture that we built and keep them safe for us. not the neckbeard reddit "ifunny" memelords of 2016
by 𝔰𝔲𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔰𝔩𝔳𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔢; ; Report
o no way im ftm too !! ^_^
AND YES I AGREE !!! uu covered everything super duper well !! like i have no words except YESEYSYEYS !!! :3 THIS IS ALL OF IT !!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED !!!! RAHHHBDAK
by ✩彡. . ii_eepy💤 (#1 LOSERBOY); ; Report
im glad :< u shouldn't have to feel sexualized just because youre feminine!!
i hate being pressured by cis and transphobes into being more masculine just because im trans!!
let me be feminine dude cmon
if anyone tells you femboy is a porn term block them immediately even if they aren't talking to you because at this point its pushing project 2025 rehtoric that will hurt all queer people including trans women because "men can't wear skirts"
being yourself is hard to do! that makes you a strong person.
i know the femboy community has been overran with closeted and transphobic people but there are still plently of silly and non sexualized femboy spaces online. the trick is to just not use the term femboy because sadly as op has said... our identity has been hijacked by on looking neckbeards who don't see us as real people but fictional characters.
stay safe! and keep being urself <3
by 𝔰𝔲𝔠𝔠𝔲𝔰𝔩𝔳𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔢; ; Report
awh thxx !! uu stay safe too !! ^_^
by ✩彡. . ii_eepy💤 (#1 LOSERBOY); ; Report
kennypuffle
As a femboy person, what I am not in favor of is that underage boys call themselves femboy, because being a femboy is not necessarily sexualizing oneself, but people, both heterosexual and from the LGBT community, can become something shady because who are mostly ELDERLY flirting with minors, I understand that a teenage boy wants the attention of someone, or everyone, but it is not necessary to use the term femboy to do so, rather... he should not be sexualized for attention, never . I had in mind that being a femboy was the same as tomboy (which is most likely the case, or well... I still have that in mind), it is good to read other people's opinions and experiences.
I know how to speak English but I could get a little help from the translator. If something is not understood, let me know! nice night. :3
Jazz
very good thoughts...honestly I never had any of this sort of context until now? i literally just thought it meant "feminine boy" like "tomboy" means "masculine girl." I don't really use those phrases anymore because my perception of gender has kinda changed a LOT...but having also been groomed--though under different circumstances--i feel for you, absolutely. This stuff is tough to change in the general public's eye, but if people KEEP SPEAKING UP (like you have) and KEEP EDUCATING PEOPLE (like you just did for me :D) we are able to share our own stories and hopefully stop using phrases that seem innocuous but that people can use to our own advantage.
i hope this was well written enough i dont really talk about stuff like this often enough. i value you and thank you for sharing roux, as well as friend rqsting me :)
Aww thanks !! I really appreciate your insight :3 and yeah, sometimes people just don't consider it from this point of view.
Feel free to hmu sometime :] you seem super chill and I'd love to chat
by Roux; ; Report
It's gross how oftern people are willing to sexualise complete strangers on the internet.
Also why did you post this in fashion?
by weirdhouseplant; ; Report
wasn't sure where to post it tbh ! fashion seemed sorta relevant because ?? idk, "femboy style" or whatever, it's a stretch ik LOL
by Roux; ; Report