A fear of mine

You ever think about getting old? And i mean like the kind of old where you can barely do anything on your own, your whole body aches, your skin is completely wrinkled and your hands never stop shaking.

How the thought of it is terrifying since you'll have no one to take care of you since you won't have kids. You probably won't have a partner to grow old with and will be completely alone and helpless.

You'll have nothing to live for anymore but you're too weak to actually do anything at all so you just exist with your thoughts, decaying slowly and painfully.

Maybe you end up getting dementia and you slowly begin forgetting even the small good memories you had left. Becoming just an empty shell, not knowing who or where you are. Being scared and confused. 

The thought of it terrifies me. I don't want to get old but the only way to not would be to kill myself, or decay early from drinking and smoking.

And then i think about how i wasn't even planning about making it past 15, and now 18. And i did.. And i'm not really sure what to do with myself. I have no plans for my future and i'm scared. People ask me so often what i want to do with my life, or as a job. 

I have no idea.

I have no passion in life, no hobby worth having as a job. Not many hobbies to begin with since i have lost the motivation to do anything. I don't want to have a job that makes me miserable, or struggle to pay bills and rent. Any well paying job that wouldn't make me miserable would have to be something i'm good at. But i'm not good at anything. 

I'm about to move out in a few months and i'm terrified.

What if i end up with some minimum wage 9-5 job with no motivation to do anything in the small free time i have and all my days become the same? What if i end up all alone? What if i actually do become old?