i got kicked out

i've decided i'll use my spacehey blog to record my journey

first, let's begin with a quick... well, no... a summary:

> 4 years ago, i decided to leave my mum and grandma -with whom i've lived for pretty much all my life- in order to have a better future in another continent. keep in mind i'm venezuelan. 

my dad has lived in spain with his former wife and my little sister, so we agreed that i'd come to europe and live with them. i've always admired him so i didn't think it would end up like this. welp. i was wrong.

turns out my dad has severe anger issues. we've fought a lot these 4 years, but what happened that day --two weeks ago-- was the last straw.

he hit me. several times. kept telling me to shut my mouth, to stop talking back.

no one supported me back there. i lived with my dad, lil' sister, step mom and four more people that were part of my dad's wife family. 

so, if i wasn't useful and grateful enough for them, they treated me like a ungrateful brat. 

honestly, i know it didn't matter if i did what they told me to. there was always something i didn't do correctly, or something i should've done without them telling me to do it. and ok, i kind of get it, but they never thanked me or anything. i did the best i could do, and i am a human being just like them. i think i should be allowed to rest, to do nothing for a day. yet they looked down on me if i ever did that. 

i've skipped the last 30 minutes or even the last hour of uni just so i could pick up my little sister from her school and help them out. 5 days a week. it didn't really matter if i had an exam that day, i had to come up with a way to do what they asked me to. and even when her mother could pick my sister up, she didn't. i had to do it, and it became part of my routine. and i got used to it.

i'm really nervous of living on my own, but this is the best thing that could've happened to me. 

that might sound weird. then again, i feel like i can breathe. maybe i can finally have a life now.

i mean, i am 20 years old as we speak. i've seen people way younger than me going out and arriving home quite late. i wasn't even allowed to arrive home past 9 pm. and don't let me begin with homework stuff. they had shut my lights off (while i was doing hw) at 8 pm!!!! wth??

i could go on and on. i'll try to write everything down in more posts or something.

while it's truly sickening my own dad would kick me out, what is worse is he and his wife keep threatening me. they say they'll go to the police and say i'm not part of the family anymore or something, just so i get deported and go back to my home country. 

look, i'm not even asking him for money (he owes me some) or anything. i just want to be left alone to figure out what is going to happen to my life now. i don't want to fight. i don't want to apologize to them like they are expecting me to, just so they can feel better. i don't want to pretend everything is fine. because it isn't.  

i'm currently looking for a room to rent that has a safe environment and isn't so expensive for me. i'm also looking for a part-time job that lets me rest a little and allows me to study and finish my last uni year.

i hope i can find something nice. i just want to live. i don't want to be a bother anymore.