Word of the day: nostialgia.

Where on our way home

Two days ago I was back in the city, I had gone to visit my grandfather because he was no longer as healthy as before, an infection weakened him and he felt the need to feel seen, loved. It's been a long time since I stopped being so connected to the family I have in my town, occasionally I ask about them but it's more of a habit than a real need, no, I don't say it in a bad way, I love them and they were a very important part of what I am now. This is more part of the feeling of loneliness that has been flooding me for almost a year now, the city has made me crazy and more unsociable, if possible.

Possibly it was a mutual feeling (my grandfather and I), or I'm probably overthinking it...

One way or the other; At first the plan was for my mother to go alone since for various reasons it was a little difficult for both of us to go but in the end we both picked up our things because it was an extraordinary situation, my grandfather is a very well-preserved person for his age (91 !) and that stomach pain has weakened it is a call to what could happen. In short, I can say that it was a bittersweet trip, I felt comfortable and uncomfortable, but the most I can rescue was my grandfather's fluidity, he tried to talk to me and hug me, which is very unusual for him.

On the way home I realized how much time has passed, I'm not so young anymore (it's not like I'm old either) but since the last time I enjoyed a summer looking for tadpoles or shared a bed with my sisters and my mother , it was a long time ago and that affected me, seeing the faces of the children laughing in the yard and the wrinkles of my uncles that hide disappointments and joys was fresh but also a blow to the stomach.

I wish I had stayed among them forever but I had to return to my personal hell, to the gossip of the world, to the sharp looks.