I want a partner

I really want a partner I never really cared about gender or nothing like that but yet I can seem find anyone I feel like it because I'm trans,maybe autistic and gray ace it make feel unlovable I have dated in the past but as you tell never worked out I don't have any friends irl due to a lot trust issues from what happened 8th grade I just feel stuck then I see people younger have relationship that has lasted longer then any of mine it because I'm a handful it because what I listed earlier I just want to be loved and care for someone that isn't my friends I want someone be in love as much I am in love with them it seem hard to ask for