i hate ppl sometimes (pathetic vent)

there're times i'm truly exhausted of socializing as a concept. friendships are so weird. idk if it's me who doesn't know how relationships work and what's acceptable and not, or is too sensitive, but there're things people do that are just bad. whether it is accepted or i'm right, i don't know.

the current situation is dumb but it helps to write it down so yeah. i think it hurts because is far from being the only thing that bothers me that i bear with. so my friend, who I've known for 7 years, gifted something to one of her friends, who she's met a couple months ago, for her birthday and on a note wrote something that's been a thing between the two of us for a while (a year or so). i won't say what it was because it's embarrassing but it's a very specific "you are the x to my z". now that i wrote it i think is dumb being hurt over this but idk, i feel used. why would you say something special between you and your friend to someone else? 

again idk how to feel because maybe it's normal to have the same "inside joke" (which is not a joke but you get it) with multiple people at the same time even if it's special. i don't know it just makes me feel replaceable. i feel i deserve a little more than that. not to be entitled or anything, i think everyone does. it's just embarrassing how many things i feel are special between the two of us aren't for her. it makes me wonder if i'm as important to her as she's to me. i don't think so. and it hurts.

what a pathetic vent I'm sorry to anyone who's reading it. i just wanted to vent and this blog is like a diary lol.