loss

i need a space to express something that's been on my mind for a while. i'll be mentioning death, so if you aren't in the headspace to read something a bit heavy like this then please skip this blog post.

to get straight to the point, my abuelo is going to pass away soon. he's been in at-home hospice care for a few weeks now, maybe even a month or a few. recently, he has just been getting frailer and frailer. his voice is so weak now. he's always lived with my family, at least since i was born. he watched my sibling and i grow up, and we have watched him grow older. despite us always living in the same house, my abuelo and i aren't that close in the traditional sense of how it is to be close to a family member. regardless though, it will be so strange to have his room be empty. the light off. the tv not on almost always. my dad is his son, so lately my dad has been crying a lot. my dad is someone who tends to repress his emotions, especially around others. but he's been breaking more. and that breaks my heart for him. my tios and their kids (my cousins) haven't come around to see him in a very, very, very long time too, so i know my abuelo misses them. idk,,,it all doesn't feel real, but at the same time it's starting to set in how little time he has left. once he passes away i won't be online for a little while, so i'm sorry about that. but idk,,,anyways, i have to get back to cleaning