megan's musings (07/19/2023)

  • i swear i don't intend this to be a daily thing i just rlly enjoy writing my thoughts to the void! and unfortunately for me i have way too many, mostly self sabotaging and unnecessary. 
  • i feel so boring and empty sometimes even when i'm surrounded by people i love- or am i even capable of loving? i just feel like very stupid and unnecessary sometimes 
  • empty like i was talking to my friends and i was the one asking the questions, but my answers were rlly boring... so i felt kinda sad that i wasn't able to say insightful things but also sad bc i feel no one rlly cares abt what i'm saying 
  • when marianne in normal people said "i like making you happy" to connell... the codependency is about to go CRAZY
  • i wore makeup and it looks nice! BUT my skin always looks worse after wearing it
  • whenever i buy clothes, i have a hard time wearing them bc i always think i'm going to look shit in them and somebody else is gonna look better. that's why i don't rlly wear alot of makeup or skincare bc i feel like i don't deserve it.
  • my friend dropped a truth bomb: everything will sometimes not turn out OK. oof. she said it was important to stay grounded so you don't get caught up in your own delusions. i feel like i'm barely stable half the time. 
  • i'm very delusional bc i think i can get through anything all the time, but i think i need to face my limitations...i have many
  • mentally i am 13 years old which is really sad...why am i falling behind?!
  • thinking about the question: what am i good for? i feel like i'm always inviting myself to places i don't belong in, and i'm surrounded by people who don't wanna tell me i don't belong there, so social interactions are kinda like one big guessing game to me and i can't even study beforehand
  • why do i always accidentally say the wrong thing? am i surrounding myself with insecure people or do i just need to develop my prefrontal cortex?
  • why does everyone have a wayyyyyyyyyy more interesting character arc than me... all i do is whine and complain and lie in my bedroom and write in my diary! 
  • i oscillate between gaf about what other people think of ME and not gaf... i think i'm a narcissist 
  • i'm supposed to be watching puss in boots rn. wtf i srsly need to stop thinking and start DOING and LIVING 

ok that was kinda venty and personal 


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beeb

beeb's profile picture

That "truth bomb" didn't sound like it was as much truth as it was a BOMB on your mental health. I actually had a similar experience a couple years ago where I was talking to a friend about my mental health and how I wasn't doing well and she told we well sometimes it doesn't get better. It was HORRIBLE!!!! for me to hear that at the time and I wish I had someone to say the fuck... there's always light at the end of the tunnel bc its so so true. That light for me wasn't some magic switch but more gradual, I had to work towards it. I hope this resonates more then what your friend said.. (not including the grounded stuff, its good to be grounded)


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