virtual diary 18/07/23

 18/07/23 

I woke up fairly early this morning. my mum and my aunt went to the shop together and came back with a scratch card, some elf bars, a pizza slice and a can of monster for me!

after they got back I spent some time with them. I talked to my mum and my aunt about how much we miss our cat who recently went missing. i then went to the knitting group at the cafe. I spent time working on my knitted hat and I also had a nice conversation with others at the cafe about what our favourite school subjects were.

once I got back home I went straight to my room to just chill out a bit. I keep getting upset with constantly seeing pregnancy announcements because im experiencing extreme baby fever but I cant have a baby yet because im not financially or emotionally ready for one.

I talked to my boyfriend about how I feel but he's really tired of my baby fever because no matter what the answer is always the same: we're just not ready.

I got very angry at him last night and said things I really regret. I talked to him a ton more today because of how bad I feel. im starting to regret going on birth control because my mood swings are becoming far more extreme and im scared my hormones will never level out.

I am very jealous of people who are pregnant, especially if theyre close to my age. I know so many people irl who are around my age and are having kids and I just wish it was me. last night I broke down crying on call with my bf after seeing yet another pregnancy announcement from someone close to my age. ive been trying to figure out why my jealousy is slowly starting to become pure envy and resentment. my boyfriend thinks its the mood swings from birth control but for now im just putting it down to the fact that im a scorpio (the most jealous star sign).

if anyone has advice on how I can control my extreme jealousy that'll be appreciated.

also just after my aunt left two cats came running up to me and they were rubbing themselves all over my legs and wanting me to stroke them. it was just so adorable and it really helped to lift my mood a little bit. maybe I should spend more time with cats. my mum even said my baby fever stems from missing my cat which makes sense as I treated him like a baby.

when I move out the first thing im gonna do is adopt a kitten!