night night

so many sucky things happened since i went to go do chores. lets list some shall we !

i got my hand stuck in a trash can twice

somehow ripped a bit of my skin off whilst cleaning the bathroom????

hit my arm/hand at such weird angles on hard metal (;

whilst i was pouring water in a pot the kettle opened and spilled water all over the stove and floor 

after mopping it up i accidently stepped on said mop making my slippers wet 

i had a full breakdown in the kitchen LMAOOOO full sobbing for a few minutes all i could think of was how long its been since my mom hugged me and how much i miss loving someone (ik im not ready for a gorlfriend issokay) and like i always feel lonely thats something i deal w a lot and ive made more friends and stuff but like this whole day/night man ive felt so lonlely then i was crying cus i dont have anyone to talk to. i have 1 person and its so fucking unfair i basically trauma dump on her and i refuse to do it anymore so all i have to talk to is the voices in my head and this site right here so you i guess. hello. (no one will ever read this and i am being delusional rn)

if ur wondering why im listing them its bc when i look back on this when im older i'll laugh at all this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 

anywho, i have formally accepted that maybe im not as okay as i thought 😃 and maybe one day ill go to therapy but that day is not today nor  is it likely it'll be in 2023 buttfuck it we ball. but i do need this day to end as its been nothing but varying degrees pain and suffering. byebyenightnight i love you.

also i like hyper fixated on fixing things for like 20 minutes i fixed the door handles that were loose and then it was driving me insane that this one cupboard wouldnt close properly i like took half the shit out and it still wouldn't close properly and i was getting so stressed. now ik what ur thinking; "is this a metaphor for his life?" and my response is well idk fuck u lets talk abt ur life then asshole if im apparently such a mess (im literally having a conversation with myself)

also this is going to genuinely make me sound like i should be in a ward but i cut a TINY TINY bit of my hair cus well tbh idrk i did it. i read somewhere that u can cut a tiny piece of ur hair to remind urself like u have total freewill i could genuinely do anyth and i think it was supposed to be an exercise and make u feel like ur in control, however the exercise failed cus when i did it i cried more 💀💀💀

and it was literally tiny like a clump of hair the size of 3 fingernails ( i will use anythin but the metric system fuck u)

bro i need to go the doc for meds bro i got so distracted that i spent about 15 minutes looking at the new MW2 x the boys update it looks fucking awesome i was literally looking where to buy it lmaoooo

okay

get some sleep

byebyenightnight i love you again.