Entry #3

It's been a little bit since I last checked in on the site. Finally over my strep throat which is a huge win but doesn't feel like anything has changed for me. I still feel awful mentally because I'm still in this rut of not doing anything for myself. Whether it's writing, streaming, picketing or having fun. I'm just a miserable shut-in. I'm tired of being a miserable person. It's all I know how to do.

I've been seeing someone for a little bit now, no idea where it's going or what to expect from it so I'm not. I'm not having any expectations or asks out of it, just rolling with it because why not? I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel like I'm always doing the wrong thing. I'm terrible at interpersonal dynamics and romance. I've been feeling more and more empty the longer summer has gone on.

I missed the X-Files picket at the Fox lot today. I set alarms and my cat, Leela, even woke me up a few times. I had the time, I always have the time yet I choose to fall back asleep. I could've met David Duchovny today. One of my favorite actors and heroes, yet here I am wallowing in my negative emotions typing away on my computer instead of reflecting on the good day I could've had. 

I want to tell stories yet I never live a life worth writing about. That has to change.

"Fix your heart or die."