identity crisis of sorts

realistically, a shattered sense of self is the basis of being a system. but i cant help but wish we were 'normal' so this confliction about my identity wouldn't exist. but then again, if we were normal, i wouldn't exist.

it's a weird thing - imagining not existing, despite knowing there was a time i didn't. i dont yet feel comfortable knowing i exist as a result of supposed healing, and i feel incapable of ever accepting that fact. im aware of how essential i am, how could i not? i just wish that the little girl who exists somewhere inside me could've had a chance at life like i do now.