first blog post!- school vacations

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I hope this isn’t as much of an unpopular opinion as I think it is since I’ve never encountered anyone with a mutual “conception”(?): I am very much conflicted pertaining school vacation. Particularly summer break. 

Being left with weeks of leisure time after months and months of school and a schedule to rely on (+ to periodically hate) is an incredible changeling shift to tackle. For me at least. 

I barely seem to manage my own daily routine as it is due to.. well not having oneprimarily. Mundane tasks become tiresome obligations and summer depression is creeping up on me every. single. time. 

Also, I oftentimes feel incredibly guilty for not finishing something I’ve been intending to do as a spontaneous summer project, such as studying a new language(which Iam currently doing), acquiring a new skill, etc. It’s a rather uncomfortable feeling if im not able to achieve those goals that I’ve set for myself by the end of summer. Especially since it’s such a long time that I can divide and organise to my own personal liking. 

Sure, not having to participate in lessons and tests is relieving but only for a short amount of time. I, myself, spiral and just worry (excessively) about the upcoming year, which is ofc natural, debating and scrutinising your future is crucial. My mind then often wanders to my aspirations, plans. University.. 

I am in a privileged position being even able to potentially further my education but it doesn’t help settle the anxiety I encounter. Even then im not even sure wether to go to a university or to travel (this one is rather unrealistic since I dint have the money to spend myself and dont want to have to rely on my parent) or apply for an apprenticeship. 

When im trying to ignore this huge gathering ofanxiety and divert myself with, let’s say, watching tv, reading, whatever hobbies in general, I then also feel guilty for spending money, for “neglecting my future”, for not filling the time I have being productive.

So this substitute for my anxiety isn’t really aiding in my steady endeavours with (summer-) breaks either.  

I hope some people can resonate with this and somehow comprehend what Ive struggled to put into words, lol.

On a lighter note: summer; popsicles!!

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