virtual diary 14/07/23

cw: mentions of mental illnesses and breakdowns

 14/07/23 

today was a very up and down day as some pretty big things have happened, both good and bad.

this morning I woke up to my birth control alarm going off so I had no choice but to get out of bed and take the pill. I then had to get ready to go and see my grandparents (I go there every friday and I have done since I was 6). my grandpa was being a bit of a pain today (as always) but thats to be expected. my grandma also got me to look at one of her new baby dolls. collecting baby dolls definitely appears to be her new favourite thing.

while I was at my grandparents place I decided to apply to a different university than my dream university, one closer to home. this is so that I can save enough money to buy my own place. it's in a nice area which I am fairly familiar with and im excited that I'll be able to live there soon!

after I got home from my grandparents place I spent some time charging my phone then set out again to go to a mental health social group and then a restaurant. once I got to the group I was in a good mood and very chatty, but it took a massive turn. 

someone had a mental health episode and even though all the doors were closed and there was a worker in the room to look after the rest of us, I could still hear the screaming. and it was very triggering because not only do I have breakdowns like that during bpd episodes, but also ive had to calm my aunt down when she had a schizophrenia episode and was yelling really scary things. I was shaking a lot and could barely stand up. the rest of us were then told to leave so that paramedics could come, but I sat outside for a while trying to calm down. my phone, earphones and bag did get thrown on the ground and I shed some tears out of being triggered, but that really is not as bad as it could have gotten for me.

after that I walked to the restaurant and got pizza and a drink. of course I got a large drink because I really needed one. I then got the bus home and it was honestly kinda funny because there was another person on the bus called kenny!

when I got home I spent some time with my mum then went to relax for a while. I managed to get a few things off my chest to my boyfriend and to my mum. im still feeling quite unsettled and I know im gonna struggle to sleep tonight but at least I did get some good news.

I just checked my emails and my university place has already been confirmed! your boi is gonna be studying archaeology! im so excited yay yay yay!!!!!