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for the past few weeks i have been grieving an identity that wasnt even there in the first place. the fact, that i used to know who i was.
you know how in those american movies theres always a table for the drama club kids, the art kids, the jocks, the stoners etc. ?
basically if i were to enter a movie like that i would be standing in the middle cafeteria all by myself on a tiny table because i have to idea who the fuck i even am. i dont know what my favorite color or animal is, i dont know what my personality is like and i feel so alienated from society i feel different but in a bad way.
growing up, everyone called me a "chamelon". i was friends with everyone, i was in every group, i was just traveling around all the time trying out new groups and everyone let me because i was the designated chameleon.
i've spent time with the art kids, the gamer kids, the popular kids, the jocks, the nerdy girls, the kpop kids literally i've tried out everything.
nothing fits.
people tell me that "you shouldnt have to fit into a mold, you don't have to identify as/with anything" but i DO want a mole, i want my own tiny cute mole that can tell me what my hobbies and passions in life are and that can tell me what kind of a fucking person i am.
its the same with my aesthetic and sexuality, like one day i'm like borderline gothic and the other day i wanna dress in so much colour that it would put a victorian child into a coma.
maybe this is also just a teenage thing, actually i don't think it i because everyone here knows who the fuck they are, but i'm just so tired of it i feel like i've lived a life as a nobody. nothing wise to pass on no passions to commit to nothing to let others describe me. i feel like an empty shell of a person.
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bunn_7
Honesty same we should be friends fr fr 🙏
LETS BE FRIENDS THEN FRFR!!!
by ichika ★; ; Report