i hate my grandma

i came home from school today. somebody had already cooked something, and it had been my grandma. now, if you knew anything about my grandma its that she cant cook. shes seriously the one woman that is a danger if she is in 100m of anything you can cook with. do not tell her to go back to the kitchen because she can and will kill you with ingredients you once thought were edible.

that was a tiny little rant within my story. anyways, you get the point. the only reason i was excited was because today she made pancakes. like, its my favourite food and its super easy to make. anyone can cook pancakes, right? well, i picked them up and as i was putting them on my plate i felt that they were all rough and textured. i honestly did not care because i was gonna gobble them up and even went so far as to get strawberry jam into those tiny little bowls for dipping sauces or treats. if only i wasnt so naive and was prepared for the pure torture my mouth is going through now.

when i got upstairs, i was so ready to inhale that shit. i took a pancake, dipped it, brought it to my mouth and took a bite. i was going to keep eating until i tasted the flavour. it overpowered everything else i was tasting in that moment. it felt as though i had the entirety of the dead seas salt concentration in my mouth at once. i had tears in my eyes, at the brink of spilling. what i have just tasted were the worst pancakes ever. i finished one of four horrendous pancakes, and now i sit here, traumatised as though i have lived through a war.

you might be thinking 'nah u dont hate ur grandma'. fool. youre blind, this was a clear murder attempt. pancakes are sweet, or in the least tasteless. i have seen this woman make pancakes before, and i cant recall what they tasted like but they were edible. these were a direct offense to my taste buds. i would have been less hurt if she tripped me down 12 flights of stairs then walked over my face and flattened my nose, taken a battering ram to my ankles until my bones were crushed powder, performed surgery on me with no anaesthesia and rearranged my organs for the fun of it. this woman hates me and her daughter in all genuinity and she has proved to me she can make my life hell. this is beyond general disagreement, she is asking me indirectly to be sworn enemies.

i might have excused all this if she was truly a clueless, sweet old lady that is truly just unfortunate when it comes to cooking for others, but no. her rude bitch attitude, victim complex, constant ungratefulness and inability to listen to people when having a conversation rid of all chances of me forgiving her for the atrocities ive been exposed to. i still taste the remnants of the memory in my mouth. she tricked me with the one food i loved, and now i have to eat this for the remaining days up until the last one. this godless creature will pay.