first week of school t__t

technically... it's not really the first week of school because TECHNICALLY it still starts on august but i have to do a bridging thing before school starts so i have the first week of school.

it's been hectic. i did my first exam this monday and i get my results this friday which i am nervous about. i have to meet someone the school assigned to mentor me and i looked up this person when i got the email and it's um... very nerve wracking. my friend apparently knows this person because it's their blockmate's parent and they say they're nice but... @__@ all that's in my head is what if the person tells me i have no future in what i'm studying in...

honestly; that really doesn't sound too bad because i admit. i never really wanted to enter this profession. but i'm here because it's still a really good job even if i'm so anxious about everything and feel so stupid. i feel like i don't even have the memory capacity to stay but i'll do my best. besides, i have nothing else to do. even if i did though, i think i'd be too much of a coward to leave the path my family expects me to go on. i asked my older brother about it once and he told me he's certain that if i didn't go continue here, i'd probably would get disowned and uh. i Do Not Want That.

i'm really tired. tomorrow i have to do my readings and make notes and review because i do not want to fail the final exam i have to take at the end of the bridging class... i Do Not Want to retake this class next year again.

i wish i was strong enough to just do what i want to do. i wish i knew what i wanted to do.