My love for makeup vs My acne issues

I don't think I've ever actually confessed my love for makeup, seriously, it's so fun and it makes me look so nice. When friends and family members would ask me about it I'd be like "It's chill, we all do it" but deep down I was clogging my throat with how exhilarating beating my face with a powder puff was to me. 

<3 <3 <3

For some context, growing up my dad made it clear that anything perceived as womanly was prohibited; skirts, hairstyles (other than ponytail), nail polish (yes even the kids' ones) and of course, makeup. It's embarrassing to say that in order to please him I decided to forcibly and loudly hate anything feminine and consequently became a "tomboy" until I reached the age of 14. Even then, wearing something more than soft lipstick, lipgloss and mascara would get my dad to look down on me, but by my 17th birthday I lost the care I once gave and was finally ready to let my artistic self loose... or so I thought.

(Now, it is important to say that I've never had anything beyond a couple of big, annoying pimples here and there until very recently, I really do not mean to make my issues the worst skin condition to ever happen. However, I do hope that by sharing my feelings on the situation, many people with the same or even worse cases than me can take this weight off their shoulders because it's really draining.)

Ever since Junior year of HS, my acne started to worsen significantly, going from just a few red dots to painful communities of what I believe is cystic acne all over my cheeks and jaw area. It's true that I didn't and don't have the best diet either so that didn't help at all lol. Even though it was uncomfy, I accepted it and decided to start treating it calmly.

I really didn't want to fuss about something that is normal for this phase of life, specially when I'm in this wave of "everything natural and socially condemned needs to be celebrated". My personal frustrations though, started to antagonize me slowly, from the moment I tried to recreate other people's makeup looks, failing every time at the sight of the texture and bumps of my skin. I tried hard to let it go, I kept telling myself that I was doing everything in my power; I invested in a korean product based skincare routine, I started eating well, exercising and keeping loyal to my routine. Nothing seemed to work/do much.

While my battle was mostly internal, it didn't (and doesn't help) to have people around you asking you the typical "but have you tried...?" or having the imprudence to say stuff like "Doesn't it hurt?" "You are breaking out again" "Are you doing anything to treat that?" in situations where no one asked them and the theme of the convo wasn't even close to going there. That and have people make assumptions like "It's because you always wear makeup" STOP.

I remember a family member who I didn't see often saying this to me, I remember turning my face his way as if I was possessed because ironically, even though I love makeup, I don't wear it all the time lmao shit is expensive. I mostly wear makeup when I go out to special events (which is almost never since I appreciate my time alone and safe at home) or to make a silly video of me practicing looks for tiktok. So for someone to skip all the steps of the scientific method to jump straight into a conclusion about me and the irresponsibility of sacrificing clear skin for some makeup... the audacity had to be otherworldly.

I was mad but it really got me good, so I unconsciously began to choose not to do makeup anymore for a little while. As it had happened a ton of times throughout my life, the mirror became my executioner and my reflection became the tender nape it was about to slice. I have never missed that feeling, I don't think anyone else has either. So when I, in a way, managed to wake up from the trance I had been in for the past couple of months, I began to fight it just like I had fought my dad through my adolescence: rebel. I know, it's a cliché, but when you feel that scarily familiar feeling of the void, the "I can't..." "I don't..." "I'm not...", you can only push it back by rebelling and yelling back "I can, I do and I am, BIATCH".

On a more serious note, this attitude actually worked for me. I went back to doing my makeup, textured and bumpy skin or not, I felt beautiful, confident and brave for at least taking the step. I deeply believed that this helped my confidence a lot, to the point where even if I still get those same comments from family members, coworkers and acquaintances, I find it easier to shrug them off and not even consider them.

While I do encourage people to find treatments and products to heal their acne since depending on the person it might go further than just looks and aesthetics (meaning constant pain in the face and such), I also encourage you to rock your look no matter what, with or without makeup. I understand that it's hard to do that in the kind of society we live in but it is possible! and well we have each other.

<3 <3 <3

Sorry if this came off corny, it started out as a vent but it became this :P Honestly, I rather be perceived as corny than hateful.

Love ya'll!!!