hello world!

it's been a long time since i did any kind of blogging so i'm a little bit excited to write this down. i'm not really sure how long i'll be keeping this up but i'll try to keep it up for as long as i can!

i'm pogs, or maybe you know me online by a different name, it really doesn't matter. i'm currently a something something student at a something something university of something. i'm trying to be secretive now but i'm really really sure this will not last long, but I Will Try.

a lot of things has happened to me recently. but i think mostly i'm really tired. i don't really know when was the last time i felt really well-rested because nowadays i just really feel like i have to strive on irregardless of how i feel. i have class tomorrow, it's online but i'm still going to be there because i really don't want to fail uni. i think nowadays, i'm much more cognizant of the fact that me being where i am isn't only my effort but an effort of so many people. i feel guilty about how much money my parents spend on me. i dislike how they treat me and my siblings sometimes, and sometimes i feel ashamed that i dislike them. i wish i could rebuild my relationship with my family, but every time i be with them it just seems like there's a string that's about to get cut that will ruin my family. i always feel like there's a fight about to erupt. i always feel exhausted whenever i get back from spending time with them. i wish i do not have these feelings.

school is going to be tough. i just finished the important bits of the module that i have to do over the weekend and i'm mostly apprehensive of the following years in front of me. i talk about it a lot with my older brother because my older brother's been here before and all he says is that i can do it. i appreciate the fact that he believes in me so much (or maybe it might be more apt to say he just doesn't have high expectations for the system), but i'm still terrified.

i have to be more positive though. i don't want to attract negative energy and inadvertently make every fear i have to come true. i'll survive school with flying honors, i'll get a merit scholarship, i'll graduate again with latin honors, i'll pass the bar on my first take and become a topnotcher, i'll find a really good job and repay every good deed that was ever done to me. i'll do it all. i'll believe in myself more.

okay, i'm going to sleep now. it feels good to have a place to write about things =).