i need surgery

tws: surgery, puke/vomit, sewerslide. kinda a vent

So my doctor wanted me to get an ultrasound bc i had stomach issues and they wanted to see if i had anything in my stomach; they found something but weren't sure what they found so they gave me a referral to get a ct scan. Not only did i have to drink something nasty, i also had to get an iv too and i am terrified of needles to say the least. This nasty stuff they had me drink was 3 bottles of vanilla-flavored barium. I was told if i threw up the barium i would have to drink more or reschedule. So everytime i puked in my mouth i just had to swallow it back down. I puked in my mouth and swallowed it 8 times. That is easily the worse thing i ever tasted. A few hours after the whole ct scans thing was over a decided to eat some oreo cookies, and as soon as i took a bite i started gagging. Soon after i started puking. As of now i currently cant eat anything vanilla flavored without getting sick all bc of that drink traumatized me. I'm not gonna say what i was diagnosed with but now i need surgery asap. I get sick and injured a lot for no apparent reason and while yes I'm used to it, I'm still so tired of it. Last night i genuinely considered committing just so i would no longer be sick. I really need to see my therapist but i can't see him for another week :(

tldr: i went from needing an ultrasound to needing surgery. then thought about kms-ing so i wouldn't have to suffer anymore.