Grounded once again

I've gotten grounded this summer then I have in the last 3 years.

All because I am too eepy.

So, my mom has been expecting me to feed the dog and make sure she goes out at consistent intervals. Seems reasonable, right? Well, it would be, if I wasn't the only person expected to feed and take out the dog. 

But even that would be fine, even if it didn't feel fair because she's supposed to be the family dog, if it weren't for the fact that Lila (dog) is used to getting breakfast at 6 am.

Now, I haven't been expected to get up at 6. At first it was 8. Then my mom started getting mad at me for getting up at 8 because she actually said 7:30. No, she fucking didn't. I confirmed 8 am many, many times, and every time 8 was confirmed. It was 8. But I didn't want a fight. So I started getting up at 7:30. I could just go to bed right after.

But I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Is it because of that damn phone? Probably, if we're being honest. But even without it I can't get to sleep before 3 am, at the earliest. So I go to bed around 4 and have to wake up around 7:30... Be honest, you'd fall back asleep after your alarm went off too. I guess this also has to do with the fact I sleep in so late, but none of this would even be a problem if she would just let me sleep on my own schedule. Yes, the dog is used to eating at certain times. But I can get used to my mothers insanity and hypocrisy, the dog can get used to eating a little later. Or, maybe, a revolutionary idea...

FEED THE DOG YOURSELF.

My mom works on call, so she isn't always home in the morning. That's fine, as my dad usually is. Except he complains how he's too tired in the morning to even dress himself, let alone feed the dog.

...Why the hell is that an excuse for you, but if I were to say that, I'd just get called a lazy bitch? Because you have a job? Because you have a job, you get to yell at me and give unhelpful advice that you obviously know is unhelpful because you yourself do not follow it. "Just go to bed earlier." Why don't you go to bed earlier? 

I know I'm mostly in the wrong here. I'm just angry and don't have any other way to vent then writing self pitying bullshit blogs on a myspace revival. It just feels unfair to be the only one expected to take care of the dog. She's the family dog, but she might as well just be my dog at this point. How is this supposed to teach me a lesson? How is this supposed to make me able to take care of a dog, as if I couldn't before? It feels like my mom is downright lazy and just doesn't want to feed the damn dog herself.

Thank you for listening to my angry ranting, if you read all of this. I just don't know what to do about this and I don't know how to explain my feelings to my mom because every time we sit down and talk I end up crying. Hell, I'm crying as I type this. That's probably why she thinks I'm so soft. 90% of the crying I do is in relation to her, and most of it she sees. She thinks I just cry at everything instead of doing something about it. I guess I can't say she's wrong, considering I'm typing a stupid blog instead of just getting over it.

I just wanna be a good daughter again. But I can't, that good kid is gone, and I don't know how to get her back.