That time when we watched a CHEESY movie in school and I was the only one who couldnt cry.

Hey there, readers! This is Lev, your teenage cynic, coming at you with a hot take on what might be the cringiest movie screening ever.

So, we have this thing at school, called self-discovery days (I know, roll your eyes with me). It's basically a day when they throw us into a dimly lit auditorium to watch movies and listen to lectures that are supposed to be "deep" and "meaningful" or something.

Now, don't get me wrong. I live for some cheesy romance. When they finally kissed in Heartstopper, my heart actually did stop for a moment. And "I'm Just a Cheerleader", "Pretty in Pink", "A Cinderella Story"? Clichéd but charming, right? There's always something that draws you in – the soundtrack, the unique settings, the quirky characters.

But "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas"? It was like watching a gacha/roblox sad story conjured up by a 12-year-old. I'm not kidding. Picture this: a scene where the girl literally forces the guy into a hotel room and then dares him to put her into bed. The crowd went wild, but I was sitting there, internally booing like a disgruntled theatre critic. It was like consent left the chat and the concept of personal space took a vacation.

And you know what? The guy made it super clear that he just wanted to be left alone to read, and is telling everyone to stay away from him the entire time! Like, give the man a break, won't you? He didn't even know that he was going to a HOTEL!

Plus, the whole setting felt so unnatural. As if high schoolers have that much freedom and money to burn! The acting, oh, the acting... let's just say I've seen more believable performances from a primary school nativity show.

My pals and I couldn't help but fire off a stream of commentary, like a pair of disgruntled film critics, on our phones, collectively venting our frustration, all while updating our status about the ongoing cringe-fest. Even my friend, who’s watched the anime and has read the novel, said this live-action adaptation was a trainwreck.

Anyways, the ultimate test came post-movie when we had to DISCUSS our feelings. And by feelings, I mean how it made us question our existence and all that jazz. To be honest, I just wanted to teleport to my comfy bed. Everyone was crying. And I mean EVERYONE! Even the dudes in the back that usually couldn't care less were suddenly sobbing like they'd just watched the finale of their favorite sports anime.

I was stuck there, forcing a single tear to trickle down my cheek, just so I didn't seem heartless .If you know me, you'd know I'm a crybaby. A heartfelt poem or a touching book, and I'm Niagara Falls. But this movie, it just didn't do it. This made me seriously ponder; What if I'm a sociopath who couldn't shed a tear over a pancreas-themed tragic love story? Did I lack empathy? I mean, why wasn't I sobbing like the rest? What kind of monster am I?

To top it off, we even had to come up with a slogan about the movie. A SLOGAN! My face was sculpted into a smiling facade, but inside, my brain was screaming, "Conformist tearjerker alert!!!" in neon lights.

There was a dude sitting next to me who confessed he'd watched the movie over 20 times and cried each time. I couldn't relate at all. And just between us, this same guy has a reputation for being a serial cheater...but that's a story for another post.

Thank god this wasn't a first date. How awkward it would be if my date was bawling their eyes out while I sat there, as dry-eyed as a cactus.

At the end of the day, my besties and I gathered for our usual post-disaster rant. We unanimously agreed that we weren't sociopaths for not crying. And one friend was more annoyed about his asshole aching from the long sit-down than about missing the movie's deep emotional context.

So, what did I learn from this? Well, never underestimate the power of a cheesy movie to reduce a high school assembly to tears. You're not lacking empathy, you're just saving your tears for something better. And thank god this wasn't a first date. Can you imagine the awkwardness?

Until next time, guys. Remember, you're not lacking empathy, you're just saving your tears for something better. Peace out!