i cant stop shaking.

like i said i cant stop shaking and the pain all over my body omg i also can barely breath i cant i think ima cry oh my fucking god i hate this shit its the worst its times like these where i want to kill myself because i hate not being able to breath when  want to and ik i make myself stop breathing but that makes me feel alive but dying no slowly death no thats sad i wish i could just sleep peacefully man i really miss my papa ik people think it doesnt make sense missing your abuser but hes my father a bond that can never be broken because i love him i feel bad for it tho god