an impossibly long t-break

ok! surgery countdown, right off the bat: 35hrs. pretty crazy, i've gotta say.

i'm a bit (read: definitely) tipsy right now and today the pre-surgery jitters have begun to set in. going on r/reduction and seeing some post-op pics of gnarly bruising that's coming my way so soon is intimidating, ok? scary. i am can be thrilled for myself and what's to come and also let myself have that fear and anxiety surrounding it - it's a big operation that requires a lot of rest and attention to my body's needs.

ok, title at hand: i stopped smoking pot for two months ahead of this procedure. timed well with a study abroad program in a country where marijuana is incredibly illegal (procurable but not worth the risk), i hit the longest consecutive t-break 3 days into that trip (including smoking right before heading to the airport). so, six, seven weeks is crazy to be at. let's fucking go <3

i did not realize, however, that the most noticeable side effect of the sudden stop of messing with mary jane is the intense, vivid fucking dreams. they're so real in the moment and i can still recall a few! i am so used to just passing out and then waking up whenever, dreamless and sated. so waking up after having a dream where i defended the merits of lana del rey's A&W to my professor and all of my classmates after falling asleep with my music on shuffle was wild. i'm convinced it's a ganja-related thing because the dreams haven't slowed since returning home, the other night i dreamt that my immediate family and i visited some fucking tundra town that ended terribly. last night i dreamt that my legs were in these awful full-length casts that i could open and rearrange but still had to secure tightly. painful. yowch.

i miss watching my favorite shows while baked. some are just not as good sober. sorry, netflix's drive to survive. sorry, outer banks. it's been real, and will be realer again in a couple weeks time.