NEVER share a username w/your other socials for fandom stuff. You never know who might find your sexyman stash

Hey, hi, hello, I'm Lev. This, my friends, is the tale of the Great Sexyman Disaster of 2023.

Today, in the spirit of teenage rebellion and crushing embarrassment, I come bearing a tale that I’m pretty sure will make you laugh your socks off (while I curl up in a corner and question all my life choices).

So yesterday, there I was, hanging out with Mr. T (who was named Mr. T in a previous blog post about the toilet saga). We're just chilling, when suddenly, like a hiccup, I blurted out, "Hey, I have a Tumblr account!"

Alarm bells should have gone off at that point. I should have heard the Jaws theme playing in the background. But no, I was blissfully unaware of the impending disaster.

I quickly tried to cover up my blunder with a hasty, "Nuh huh, don't search it up." But, the damage was done. Mr. T, being the ever-curious (read: nosy) dude he is, took it as a challenge. He was on his search bar faster than a cat on a laser pointer.

Now, you might be thinking, "Lev, what's the big deal? It's just your Tumblr." Oh, how I wish that was the case. You see, my Tumblr username is the same as my other socials, and my likes were set to public. Cue the horror movie soundtrack.

Enter the sexyman stash.

Okay, okay, don't judge. I know you're sitting there with your judgy face on. But hear me out. I'm talking about stumbling upon a Onceler fanfic that I liked. Yes, you read that right. It started as a "joke," but I actually found one that was beautifully written. It was like a car crash - so horrifying, yet so mesmerizing.

And then there was this hot humanized fanart of Wheatley from my favorite fanfic, Blue Sky. Now, I get it. Wheatley is a circular robot with a British accent. But this fanart, guys. It was chef's kiss. I tried to play it off as ironic, but let's be honest, those likes painted a pretty clear picture. If you don't know who he is, he's this guy.

if you don't know who he is, he's this guy.

Try explaining that to a guy.

In my defense, I did my best to make it seem ironic, but my likes spoke louder than my mumbled explanations.

All of this would've been okay, we could laugh it off if I were talking to a girl. We'd probably bond over our shared weirdness. But nope, I was talking to a dude. And let me tell you, I've had less embarrassing conversations with my dentist while his hands were inside my mouth.

So, there I was, bashing my head against my desk, mentally of course, because we can't afford another trip to the school nurse. I replayed the disaster in my head at least five times during English alone - and yes, it was just as horrifying each time.

After all the chaos, I had to buckle down and give my Tumblr a total makeover - new profile picture, new banner, new username. I've been praying to all the internet gods that my old username fades from Mr. T's search history, hopefully faster than my dignity did. If anyone has any tips on how to erase yourself from someone's internet memory, hit me up. Seriously. I'm desperate.

So, here's the moral of this story, guys: always make a separate username for risky stuff. You never know when your secret sexyman stash might be revealed.

Until next time, this is Lev, signing off from another cringe-worthy adventure. Remember, you're never too cool for a separate, secret username. Trust me on this one, okay?

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