Dear mom,

I'd like you to know that a five year old actually can't manipulate a grown ass adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex.

If I'm crying, maybe it's because you're cursing out an autistic child without actually explaining what I've done wrong.

You told me that if I see money on the floor, I need to pick it up and put it in the silly little monkey shaped piggy bank on my desk. That's what I did. I didn't steal from you, and you should've been more specific. I reiterate, Autistic five year old.

I am not crying to get you to stop reprimanding me, or to avoid punishment and make you feel bad. Maybe if you're starting to feel bad, that's saying more about your actions than mine. 

So. Your child picks up some money off of the floor. I think it was a 10 dollar bill but I don't remember. I put it in my bank.

You have two options.

1. Explain why what I did was wrong, and provide positive reinforcement.

2. Yell and curse and hit your five year old daughter, and then chastise them for having an emotional reaction. <----

Are you sure? This action will have consequences.

You shouldn't be surprised when I'm breaking down because since I met my fiance and finally started feeling safe, I cry almost constantly when I never used to at all. And it incites a feeling of fear and panic, or even self loathing. 

"Stop crying or I will give you a reason to cry."

I am 20 now and no, I can't hide the bitter feeling and dirty looks when you boast to everyone around that you've always believed in gentle parenting. Tell them the truth.

Tell them about when you threw me into a wall because I misheard you.

Tell them that when you found out I was harming myself, all you told me was that if I did it again, you would kick me out. 

Tell them that you once bit my face because I shut down and couldn't move back or flinch when you advanced.

But you don't remember, so it didn't happen. Right?

Be kind to your child. 

They will remember everything.