₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. Dream Journal ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

02/07/2023.

I was back into my childhood community center. It looked just as i remember, grey and abandoned by time. It never was a really popular space anyways, the only active part of it being the soccer field made of hot broken asphalt, and the ocassional summer school to keep busy any child that wanted to explore the inside of the buildings that seemed too intimidating otherwise.

The interior was so different, modern. White walls and green plants as decoration. Secretaries on computers working.

I was supposed to be accompaying someone to some therapy group session. I can't remember anything about him, maybe he was family, maybe he was a friend. I didn't feel like i should be in that place, but everyone was nice. I specially remember a man, he was a father, and he liked to cook, he offered me something, probably a cookie, but i declined.

Everything else is blurry...

03/07/2023.

Last night i dreamt about my grandma.

I haven't spoke to her since she decided to side with my sister's abuser, since she decided to break even more what was left of our family. I don't even consider her my granma anymore.

It was the old home we all used to share the first time we moved here, right in front of that park that had a market around it every weekend. It was raining, and i was on my way to work, but i stopped the moment i saw the porch gate alongside the door of the house wide open, not a single light on. For some reason i decided to step inside.

The moment i was standing in the frame of the door i could see her sitting between the darkness. She looked skinny and miserable, the house a husk of my childhood memories.

She looked glad to see me, she asked me how i was and about my work, i replied. She told me her old dog had died, and i feel sad and shocked. I love that spoiled chihuaha. I was the one that begged her and mom to let us keep it when it was a little puppy.

We had a little more of small talk while i walked around the place, just staring at things, and once i was at the foot of the chair she was in, a feeling of profund sorrow suddenly filled me. I stared down at her, and the next thing i know is i was on my knees, hugging her while crying how i have never cried before.

I feelt like i was choking with all those feeling. For a moment i thought she would hug me back, but suddenly she was pulling from my hair and trying to scratch me. All the sadness i felt shifted to fear and panick, so i desperately tried to push her away from me.

Then i woke up.